I wasn’t exactly sure how to start this post but I suppose that I’ll start from a more general view to a more precise one. It may seem like a rather selfish or at least narcissistic post BUT we have to inspire ourselves from somewhere, and my life seems to be pretty eclectic. So I’m starting from there.
I’m single, and while I may be perceive as “alone”, I am in fact not. Millions… no tens and thousands of millions of the world’s population is single. So if I were to be pedantic, being single isn’t such a lonely place to be right now! Now, with all that optimism out of the way, let’s go full steam ahead to the sad and rather depressing truth (unless it’s not and then I apologise).
Sex. Sex. Sex. Makes the world go round. Yep. It’s true. Sex is literally everywhere. It’s in your magazines, tv’s and in the street. Sex is used to sell absolutely anything. As they say in the business, “Sex sells”. Now, I’m no angel, for the people who know me, sex is something I talk about, know about… and shock horror… have done! I think we have all surpassed the age where sex is this “big deal”… and yet it still occupies our every thought (apparently). Now I can understand that those having regular sex don’t miss it… and I can obviously relate to those not having it and wishing they were… but I have a nagging question.
Is anonymous sex that great? Really?
As a test, I signed myself up on an online dating site. Now, I am not a journalist (yet?!) but I believe that through all good journalism, you have to put your money where your mouth is. So I have (and a lot of online time too I might add!). I put up a recent photo… described myself accurately (to the best of my ability of course) and waited. Now, I wasn’t looking for a date/hook-up/boyfriend etc. So I thought it was only fair to wait for the guys to come to me. Like a horse to water so to speak. And, come they did! I can say for someone who doesn’t have great self appreciation, that it was an incredible pick me up! I received in the space of a month about… 117 emails… all asking for me! BUT, may I add a few interesting issues came up as well.
While many were very respectful, with mails which to summarize said “Hello my name is _________ . I think you are ___________ . Would you like to swap emails and talk?/Would you like to talk something? etc” Many were also very much different. I did get one email saying that I was “not attractive”… but I’m going to say that he was absolutely hideous… and 45 years old (so I think he should know better than insult a 22 year old girl! It seems sad to be honest). In any case, as well as the nice and pleasant I was surprised to get a fair few emails from let’s say an “older generation” of men, and ladies and gentlemen… I am not talking about the 35 year old guy who’s still single and a bit bored on a friday night… I am in fact talking about over 45 year old (mostly really unattractive) men. I’m not saying middle-aged men are unattractive… don’t get me wrong! I do like the older man from time to time (cf : apple guy (those of view who know me well may know what I’m talking about)) but these guys were… total sleaze balls. Today I got from a long haired, ugly 45 year old man with 2 children an email saying the following (I have edited) :
“I am looking for a not too ugly girl for the evening and more if I like you. Interested? Kisses. ______ .”
Seriously? This is insane! It’s basically prostitution, and what baffles me… is that he thinks I could actually be interested. I may not be any sex bomb à la Marilyn Monroe… but I definitely am NOT some anorexic spotty crack whore! Argh I shudder at the thought of this man caressing anything but his own arm! Argh! And this guy is not alone! If I look back at the messaged I have received… I noticed that many… and many ask for what can only be fuck buddies. For those of you not familiar with this “modern” term… I have enlisted the help of the internet based dictionary fashionable with many the young pubescent teen… “Urban Dictionary”. Here is what they have to say on the subject :
I have only given the first two definitions, but I think they suffice.
Now, for those who know me, like I have said previously… I’m not a foreigner to the concept. We have all done it at least once in our lives, but the point I am trying to make… is why is it literally everywhere now? There seems to be more people looking for fuck buddies now that actual meaningful relationships. I’m not a giant romantic. I am not a fan of soppy poetry and being serenaded. Trust me. But come on, who doesn’t want a hug and a kiss when you get back from work? Who doesn’t want to know that they are cared and loved? I mean sure… carnal pleasure is good… no scrap that… sex is great. But, without being corny… sex really is better when you “love/care/enjoy being with” that person. I wish there was less sex and more… sex and love going on.
Anyway, “the art of seduction”. Where has is gone anyway? I mean… seriously… let’s say I was hypothetically looking for an easy fuck… do you think emailing me (or coming up to me in a bar) an telling me something around the lines of “Hey babe, I like yo ass, I like yo body… so you wanna dance horizontally”, is going to get you in my pants?
I’m not suggesting in anyway that being romantic and lying is better… I just think there’s a better way IF that is what you want. I mean, no one meets the love of their life in a bar wearing a low cut top and 6 inch heels… but you don’t either by saying lines like that! All I am looking forward to, is when people asked you out on dates. People are so starved for a smidgen of romance that nowadays telling a woman her “ass is out of this world” is going to work! How depressing is that? I want a guy to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful, that I’m a bright young woman and that yes, he would like to bump uglies in the future with me… but that he would like to take me out for coffee/dinner/a movie first. Am I asking for a lot?
No? I didn’t think so. We are worth so much more. Maybe we have lowered our standards… or maybe I’m just too old school…