Monthly Archives: March 2013

It’s no longer the KKK… it’s the FFF (Friends Fucking Friends)


This post, has nothing to do with the KKK… but everything to do with the FFF. If you do not know what the FFF is… I am not surprised… I just invented it… but it is a way of explaining a new social change. You don’t understand? Ok… ok… I’ll explain.

Lately, and when I say lately… I mean in the last few years since sexuality became a “boring occurrence” in our/my everyday life (in other words, since sex isn’t a word that one whispers into your ear like a dirty joke or the name of the school bully). Sex has become, at least for me, something I son’t actually talk about with my friend anymore. I was actually talking about this with a friend last week while I was in London… when we are all just having sex, it was all “omg he did this… and did you know… and it was so big/small…” etc… now… everyone you know, has pretty much already done it and it is no longer a measure of “coolness” (I shudder that this was a big part of whether or not someone was loser or not…ohhhhh childhood!). Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. I have noticed that people… are either already in long term relationships… or are dating friends of friends.

You find this normal? You don’t understand? Ok… I’ll explain.

I have a very close friend of mine (female) who is one of those girls who you can just let everything just hang out, you know? We are just comfortable together. Anyway, she has an older brother who (and it feels like a million years ago… but it is in fact probably nine years ago) I had a crush on. Although, if I think about it, I think it was probably because he was nice to me, not because I was attracted to him (and anyway, I was fourteen… everyone has a cringe crush when they are that young!). So, we are chatting and she tell me that a friend of mine (female) who I introduced to them about two months ago, went out with her brother (a friend but not close). Now… some will jump to the conclusion that I am jealous… and holy jesus mother of god am I not… I am… surprised (and it always comes back to me, of course). Why?

Well… I am actually surprised because this always happens to me. I can hear you screaming through  the computer what this has to do with me, apart that they are my friends, but it is actually more than that. This is like the millionth time (ok fine, probably nearer three or four times) that I have introduced two people from two different social groups of mine and they have “hooked up”! And this time it is even more… irritating because my female friend is one of my closest friends… why? Because this girl… is the girl that everyone fancies!!! Blind DateNo… really… every time we go out together for a drink… or go to a party… or whatever… all the guys flock to her… and I am always… the “cool funny girl” or as I refer to it “everyone’s best friend”. I am going to be single for ever (and this is why I said it always comes back to myself). It’s not the person she is with that irritates me, or that she has found someone (I am always happy when a friend has found love or a semblance of it) but it is just ridiculous that I have got friends who are all dating each other… and yet no one introduces me to guys… as I write I can feel myself getting more and more bitter… but I don’t really think I am… I think I am becoming Cilla Black, that old chipper bird from “Blind Date”. I am… a catalist of love, a fucking synapse… an electric spark… people just stick to each other, and I end up being the discarded charred rubbish… or in more realistic terms… the “introducer”… the presenter of “who wants to meet… your new (choose from this selection) boyfriend/lover/husband/wife/fuck buddy or one night stand…

The thing is, I know this is not going to stop… why? Because I don’t practise “friend segregation”. (sorry to use such a loaded term, but I felt I didn’t have a choice here). I… just mix all my friend together in a fruit salad. My philosophy is that if I get along with them, they I am sure they will all get along too. I have plenty of friends who don’t mix their social circles… notably a “friend” of university I no longer speak to because she found a more interesting group of friends and stopped hanging around with me because she didn’t want to mix “me” with her “law friends”. I felt like… discarded trash… so I said… ta taa to her.

To conclude, I am not annoyed by my friends getting together, my opinions on whether or not they are suited for each other is another matter, I just hate the role I have… because deep down, I two wish I was the contestant, and not the presenter. But hey, I have the shotgun loaded for my fortieth birthday… if I’m still single and I have cats plural, then it’s KABOOM… other than that, I’ll be looking for a new day job, if anyone has any ideas !

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Filed under Clichés, Errrrrr wtf?, Friends, Hate!, Men vs. Women, Politics, Society