I’m not saying this is a complaining post, but fuck this, I can say what I want.
When you think about it, if we didn’t have society, we wouldn’t be disappointed. Who disappoints me the most? Myself and others. Now apart from killing myself, which isn’t on my day planner right now, I think my only solution is to get out of society. The thing is… I can’t. Why? Because I can’t grow food for shit (every one of my cactuses died… why try growing carrots?), I can’t swim very well due to nearly drowning 4 times… I hate not being able to shower… and I need lactose free food. So… I do need what society brings me… slight sanity… but I can’t deny it makes me more angry and melancholic than anything else.
At the moment, all I can think of, is how people (and not anybody, I’m not talking about the postman or that dude who pisses against my flat wall in the mornings…) oh no no, I’m talking about friends. Right now, I have a friend who is so far down the rabbit hole, she can’t even smell the world surrounding them… and what does she do? Continue fucking digging! Holy Jesus Fucking Chrrrriissssst!. Part of me is wondering why I give a rats ass… the other day someone said I was too kind! Can you believe it? I think the reason people make snap judgments about you, is because they don’t know you. It’s easy to say that when you don’t know why they act the way they do.
Anyway, what am I to do? Right now… I wish everything was out of my head. I’m slightly envious of the brain dead vegetables on a heart monitor in the hospital right now, because fuck. They don’t have problems… ok they do, but their mind isn’t oscillating between anger, sadness and disappointed on an hourly rate. My problem? I can’t help feel invested in peoples lives. I like to help. I see someone who’s sad, needs a helping hand, anything… and I’m there. Why? Because I profoundly believe in karma. Do good, and one day you get it back. Have a got in back? Hell no. Am I disappointed? Yes. I should be those selfish dicks who surround me… but that’s still not me. I won’t change. I don’t want to change either.
So what I’m saying to you, yes you, the person or persons fucking up. Stop digging. This is not the great escape. Get the fuck out before you get too in and can’t get back. (Maybe this applies to just ONE of my friends but the advice is still valid).
As for the rest of you. Dont be asking me for no more help. I’ll be the girl who does what she wants when she wants now. Fuck you all. Tata bastards.