Sometimes you’re put in a horrible position and if you’re alone to make decisions at that exact time and place then you know that you’re making the bad decision. I seem to always make the wrong decision. I say yes when I shouldn’t, no when I should. I wish sometimes I could just jump off a cliff into the dark abyss and fall into nothingness. Quietly slip away. But I can’t. Because with nothingness there’s no pain, suffering, sadness, anger or disappointment. But there’s fuck all else either. I would take all the pain in the end for a last kiss with a lover, or visiting a new place, reading a good book. Anything good. Because pure ecstasy and happiness cancels out the pain. Who remembers a scorned lover when you’re in the arms or your new love. That look that a man has when he’s truly loves someone. There’s nothing better than feeling loved and care for. Well I say that, past experiences dictate not all men want that but I know some do.
So life sort of is this sexually transmitted decease. And you fucking die from it. Life will eventually kill you. But you’re role is to push that time as far away as you can. Not feel like you are drowning in life. If you do. Then grab a life raft. Ask for help. People who truly love people will help their friends when in need. Even me. Even if I’m angry at a person. I would never turn then away and not help them.
I will admit that sometimes I find life very hard. I try and I fail. But then something happens that reminds me why I’m here.
That’s why people relapse into bad behavior. When they can’t get what they wavy by get take anything else that’s thrown at them.