Monthly Archives: October 2014
Lately has been an emotional roller coaster. I hate that sensation, although maybe I’m hypocritical about that. I mean, don’t we all like being kept on our toes after all? No one really likes a life that just floats on by… but can we not have too much excitement? Can our heart sometimes just beat a bit too fast, too often? I’m just tired, tired of everything and everyone at the moment. I don’t want to be alone, but as soon as I’m with certain people, I just want to run away. I realise I’m not easy to be around at the moment, I’m insanely angry for some reason, but as soon as I crawl home, I feel a heavy black cloud over my heat… raining on me. There’s nothing really that takes my mind off anything, apart from sleep and music. But even my dreams are plagued by sadness and dissatisfaction. It’s strange, because I should be happy, I have a great job (but not a great salary), great friends, great classes, hope for a better future… but nothing really fills me up with that pure sensation of ecstasy. But I think that my new investments in vinyl equipments, and new comics that I’m working on are good. I’m finding some sort of solace in work. At least something good is coming out of my blues. Anyway, I thought I’d share some songs that I’m listening to at the moment. Not sure if they are uplifting or depressing, but they make me feel good. Or better at least.
1 – Kill Paris – I do love you (Great song, shit lyrics, well you an’t have everything!)
2 – Lipps Inc. – How long (Time to dance around)
3 – West Phillips – Organised desire (Wine and West Phillips, sexy as hell)
4 – Musical Youth – Pass the dutchie (Ha, song of my youth!)
5 – Alice Cooper – Poison (Fuck everyone. You’re poison.)
6 – Klangkarussell – Netzwerk (falls like rain) (Sick tune. Great live.)
7 – John Legend – All of me (Don’t make me cry… again)
8 – Sam Smith – I’m not the only one (AMAZING TUNE! Totally how I feel sometimes)
9 – Sam Smith – Stay with me (Same thing, beautifully sung, and so true)
10 – West Phillips – Sucker for a pretty face (Fucking epic tune, never bored of this one)
11 – David Bowie – Moonage Daydream (It’s David Fucking Bowie, who doesn’t love this song?)
12 – Cockney Rejects – I’m forever blowing bubbles (Punk+bubbiles, what’s not to like?)
13 – The Weeknd (Kygo remix) – Often (My song of the summer, perfection, puts me in a great mood every time)
14 – Ed Sheeren (Kygo remix) – I see fire (Ditto. Beautiful.)
This poem perfectly describes, how you feel when you have a broken heart. That sensation where you can close you eyes, still after a long time and remember every touch, every word… their breathe on you your neck… anything. Sometimes I can’t help but want to have no memory at all, so as not to prolong the pain I feel. I especially love the lines “Touch has a memory. O say, love, say, What can I do to kill it and be free.”
What can I do to drive away
Remembrance from my eyes? for they have seen,
Aye, an hour ago, my brilliant Queen!
Touch has a memory. O say, love, say,
What can I do to kill it and be free
In my old liberty?
When every fair one that I saw was fair
Enough to catch me in but half a snare,
Not keep me there:
When, howe’er poor or particolour’d things,
My muse had wings,
And ever ready was to take her course
Whither I bent her force,
Unintellectual, yet divine to me; —
Divine, I say! — What sea-bird o’er the sea
Is a philosopher the while he goes
Winging along where the great water throes?
How shall I do
To get anew
Those moulted feathers, and so mount once more
The reach of fluttering Love,
And make him cower lowly while I soar?
Shall I gulp wine? No, that is vulgarism,
A heresy and schism,
Foisted into the canon law of love; —
No, — wine is only sweet to happy men;
More dismal cares
Seize on me unawares, —
Where shall I learn to get my peace again?
To banish thoughts of that most hateful land,
Dungeoner of my friends, that wicked strand
Where they were wreck’d and live a wrecked life;
That monstrous region, whose dull rivers pour
Ever from their sordid urns unto the shore,
Unown’d of any weedy-haired gods;
Whose winds, all zephyrless, hold scourging rods,
Iced in the great lakes, to afflict mankind;
Whose rank-grown forests, frosted, black, and blind,
Would fright a Dryad; whose harsh herbag’d meads
Make lean and lank the starv’d ox while he feeds;
There flowers have no scent, birds no sweet song,
And great unerring Nature once seems wrong.
O, for some sunny spell
To dissipate the shadows of this hell!
Say they are gone, — with the new dawning light
Steps forth my lady bright!
O, let me once more rest
My soul upon that dazzling breast!
Let once again these aching arms be plac’d,
The tender gaolers of thy waist!
And let me feel that warm breath here and there
To spread a rapture in my very hair, —
O, the sweetness of the pain!
Give me those lips again!
Enough! Enough! it is enough for me
To dream of thee!