It’s a rather sad tale today, but one I believe at last has an ending. I don’t feel in the mood to go on and philosophise about it, so I think I’ll do a mix of bullet points and random phrases.
– They whole thing with Mr T started badly, clearly, but what I should have seen is that he never gave a shit about anyone (true fact). He is a good liar. Who knew alcoholics could?
– I believed something more was possible, but it is not the case.
– I made the mistake of letting him back in my life, but as per usual, all he wanted/needed from me was attention. Nothing else. And I blindly thought he enjoyed my company.
– Lately we had been spending more time together and I thought, getting to know each other really. Well hell no. He doesn’t know me. Called me a whore (for sleeping with people… but we were never dating… so what?) Also, I accidentally saw a message where he insulted me and basically said he didn’t give a shit.
– What it goes to show is he never gave a shit about me, friendship wise or anything. Always running after someone else.
– I have to remember the bad parts, because there were good parts, but who knows how he felt? Nothing probably.
– It’s strange, because he would do one nice thing, and then it all fucked up.
– The only solution I can find is just not spending time with him. He is a toxic leech, and I am not strong enough for him to suck me dry.
– Can you believe, the day my dog of 12 years died, he preferred to talk about himself all night? He even called me a whore and when I walked out of his house… he called me a child for not wanting to talk.
– I feel pain right now, but I know it would never have lasted, not with me, not with anyone, because truly he is not ready, he has no professional drive nor does anyone want to date an alcoholic. It’s one thing to enjoy a drink. Another to do what he does, and drink to his grave. It’s a sad reality.
– He is also clearly toxic to his other friends, some of them have come up to me and said that they are tired of him, don’t care any more about his well-being, and for some they know that he is slowing paving a way to his death.
– I am, and will always be to him “some english bird I slept with”. To me, he will be the first guy my heart wanted. But, I don’t think I regret it, because I have grown, I have had emotions I never have had. And now I am hurting, but for some reason less, ad maybe because I have access more into his head, and I have spent more time with him, and I can see that he is a dead-beat with no drive. It’s not a life I want. I want to travel the world and enjoy myself, not drink my way through my dole money.
– I am feeling hopeful that I will find someone, and his friends say the same, they said I can obviously find someone better, because it’s hide to sink lower.