Category Archives: Clichés

People are like apples


You're rotten, aren't you? It’s a bit of a cliché, but life really is like a tree. We all have roots and we all try and grow as strong as we can. There are storms that break our branches, our twigs fall and die, our leaves wither, we can bleed sap and we lose our leaves… some of are those leaves. We are blown this way and that, and we don’t where we end up, but we always land somewhere. As some people are the leaves, some of us are the branches, some are the trunks and some just never grow to full maturity. We are all the trees, but we are the apples that grow too. Some apples are the weakest link on the chain, because some of us are born not as pretty, not as shiny, and some of us start life seedless, or rotten on the inside. No apple is perfect. Neither are we.

We all aspire to grow and develop, have lives of our own, but some fall off the tree before they are given the chance to grow into their full potential. That’s sad. Some fall and die because of decease, and some fall off in the wind, because they feel as though they can no longer hold on to life. Some of us prefer to rot. They have that seed of possibility that every apple on the branch should have, but choose to let themselves rot, day by day. When these apples eventually fall off the tree, no one wants them. They’re thrown away, left to rot, alone.

Hope is the few seeds left inside the apple. They mean that even if you fuck up a bit, and fall off too early, there is still that possibility that one day you may regenerate, grow into a new tree,a stronger tree… new life.

I hope that we all choose to take that chance, use our opportunity to grow as strong as we can. Those who fall off the tree, those who let themselves rot to death and give up, realise what they are doing before they take that final battering by the wind and let go. Because all they end up as, are apples by the wayside, people look on, but you can’t eat a rotten apple, not only is it ugly on the inside, it’s ugly on the outside. It’s not appealing. And everyone knows you can’t fix a rotten apple. So you kick it aside and walk on. Especially if it’s rotten to the core, from the inside out.

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Filed under Choice, Clichés, Desserts, Environment, Food & Cooking, Games People Play, Goodbye, life's a bitch

Flirting in the 21st century : Facebook style


I get these from time to time… (like the one I got today). I usually get them from Africa or Arab countries, but today I got one from the USA (although I’m guessing he’s from spanish extraction. Anyway, this got me thinking… for those who shun online dating (like myself, I find it sort of lame, and full of weirdos… that said… I can’t say that I haven’t met my fair share of weirdos without having to resort to online dating!). But this random Facebook trawling and adding may be the new form of online dating. Who needs Tinder… when everyone already had Facebook!? That said… why some random guy would want to be friends PURELY because he though I was cute is a tad strange… mostly because he is in the USA and I live in Frogland… whatever. Anyway, here is part of the conversation.

Capture d’écran 2014-07-24 à 16.21.13

Capture d’écran 2014-07-24 à 19.05.48

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Filed under Beginnings!, bla bla bla, Clichés

Artistic innit?


To be honest, I don’t really consider myself an artist… more like some knob who creates stuff no one cares about. I’m posting this one (for once, I never post on public sites my artwork), because it’s not very personal, and mr T is in it (not that he knows this of course). It’s an homage. I wanted him to be part of an art piece without him knowing, so now he is a published author too (except he won’t be paid, although, neither am I, so I think we’re equal… here’s hoping he didn’t copy right that photo… which as a by the by isn’t great quality (note to self tell him, if he ever talks to me again, how to use the adjustments on his camera) but who cares, he is part of it. Cool eh!? Even if you said no I wouldn’t give a rats ass.

Enjoy!

(p.s. The story talks a lot about booze. Just in case you thought I was an alcoholic, I just had the results of a blood test and my alcohol levels are good, and, YESSSSSSSS are low too. So screw you metabolism! I can drink like anyone’s business!)

 Hello Toulouse

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Filed under Alcohol, bla bla bla, Clichés, Comics, Culture, Europe, France, Friends, Games People Play, Happiness, Hello?, You

Let’s be cliché for once…


I have to say, I’ve been told I read too much into things, but music, not only is it cathartic and honestly can make you feel any emotion on the planet… but fucking hell is it true. There are songs and lyrics that can truly transport you back to a single moment. A smell. An emotion….

Sometimes it can be solely the tune, sometimes it’s a phrase, a lyric, a chorus, or if you’re lucky, all of them at once. Lately in the state I’m in, I’m looking for that voice that transports me further down the hole that I’ve dug myself. Yes. I’ll agree is masochistic. I know. But a bit of psychological self flagellation never killed anyone. Sometimes it makes you feel better. You feel understood by someone you have never known and will never meet. I suppose music, like art, is one of those purely human experiences, that unite us all. Independent of your creed or culture.

I’m glad that I’m alive to appreciate this. I’m glad that through the pain that I feel, I know that someone somewhere knows what I’m living. I know that I’m not alone. Not really. But you can feel so alone, even though you are surrounded by people. Feeling any emotion just proves to us that we are alive. Sure, some are better than others… but anything is better than nothing… Disappointment is just the feeling that you can’t always get what you more desire. But, in the end, if we always got what we wanted, we wouldn’t appreciate what we do end up having… or the things we lave lost.

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Filed under Clichés

Outside in or Inside out ?


I’ve been wondering lately, while looking around my slightly messier room than normal, the state of my fridge (nothing buy old pasta and apples), my un-hoovered carpets and the alarming amount of un-clean washing up in the sink : are our outsides our insides? Or is it the complete opposite?

Confused?

Fine. I’ll explain. When I’m feeling in super cooper shape, happy go lucky weirdo mood : my flat is super clean and tiny. You could probably fry an egg on my toilet seat while stirring the pan with the toilet brush… right now… I’m feeling a bit shite and lost… god knows why, well I know why, but I shouldn’t. I’m amazing. But whatever. Want to know what my flat looks like? Argh. Messy and disorganised. Just like my head. So, the question really is, am I sad, thus my interior reflects that… or is it because my flat looks like a pigsty that I then become depressed? Mmmm… hard to tell. Some people I know, live in the dirtiest hovels you could think of… but they are happy great people, so I guess it doesn’t bother everyone. Maybe I’m one of those tidy freaks you hear about in bad pilot episodes of cancelled shows… “clean freak” (except that if you knew my views on cleaning floors you’d die… ok ok fine, I’ll tell you. Fucking hate it. I prefer doing any other chore, but hoovering, cleaning the floor… is just horrible… the should try that at Guantanamo for inmates. They would crack in no time. I’ll tell you anything you want to know in exchange to not having to mop up the floor I swear). So it’s definitely not a “cleanos” house here… but I do like clean sheets and a tidy room that doesn’t smell of an ashtray (I live in France, people smoke at my parties!) and BO. Thats said, just last night a friend of mine B, told me they thought I smelt delicious and when I asked why… I was told  I had a “roxy smell”… so I smell of myself but you can describe it? Okie domes. Strange.

I’m feeling tired, but I’ll finish this (feeling sad and shit makes you tired, probably a good thing, my diet had been going great, I have stopped eating during the day).

Anyway, the question is still open… if your interior looks like crap, is the person “sad/depressed etc.” or is that just a personal trait (dirty/messy etc.)… mmmm….

rox

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Filed under Clichés, Errrrrr ?, LOL, Men vs. Women

I know. I know.


On/offI have to say, I am feeling rather on the apathetic side today, but I shall stroll through that part of my brain, and go straight to the... Roxy, you are dead cringe now. You're 24. Stop acting like a 12 year old who has a crush on one of the Westlife fellas (can't believe I just wrote "fellas". I will admit, it seems the kind of word that sits quite well next to the band Westlife). Anyway. I have a crush. I know. Shock Horror. Me. Me? Yes. Yes I know. Me. The cringe factor is that I am really shy when it comes to my feelings. I think I don't like really telling people how I feel about a person (whether in a friendly or in a "I like you where it smells funny" kind of like (to quote the Bloodhound Gang (first time they have probably EVER been quoted to be honest anyway)). In any case, I don't know the guy per say (he's in my school, 4th year student... and before you start shouting ERRRRR OLDER MAN... I'm the same age as him, I just had to do 2 degrees first), but he did give me a tour of the school (ok, not personally... but well, it felt like it). He isn't really my type (if I were to define my type anyway) but he has something about him which I find... intriguing? (now I feel like I'm in a Jane Austin book... swoon swoon... (argh)) but to be honest, I feel that really he is hot hot hot... and fuck it, yes I'm going to say it. He's hot with two t's. Usher had it right. It's "hott" in here. I'm not going to say anything about him, safe to say he probably has no idea I exist, and I am actually capable to changing direction in order to avoid him (see, told you. This is the reaction of a 12 year old). Unless I am super drunk, and let's be honest, I am never really drunk... I probably won't say anything. I've only ever asked one guy out... didn't turn out great (I'll briefly mention that he is not talking to me at the moment... I think he's too embarrassed. This is a guy we will call X (original? Yes I think so!) (i digress sorry), all my friends think he is super weird and dodgy (but we have been friends for 5 years on and off, he pisses me off). And we have messed around, but I'm not like that. So yeah. Anyway, never liked him, started to have feelings and he started to be weird. My friends personally feel he's chicken. Or doesn't know what he wants. Well I ain't gunna wait!)
So back to super sexy guy from my school (I say school, I mean art school, for adults. You know. Real humans). I haven't seen him in over a week. i think he's either dead, or hibernating. Which, if it's the latter, sucks because winter is a good excuse to get naked inside with someone... but if he is going to be sleeping all winter, not only is my winter gunna suck (I mean even if i never get to see the inside of his bedroom, I would still like to openly drool in his direction from time to time, but hiding behind a cleverly disguised Jane Austin fan... duh!) But, if he does hibernate all winter, then come spring, he will be one horny little sexpot... but he might jump on any skinny french girl and then I'd be dumb. So... I'm thinking of hatching a plan. Except. That isn't me. So... I think I'll just continue my passive aggressiveness and ignore him, and continue my quest for eternal celibacy. If I'm still single in a year, I'll join either a nunnery... or a bordello. I'm betting on the nunnery.
What is truly depressing, is that all my friends have the same discourse of "you are amazing, super cool, bright... I don't know why you're single". Seriously? Last week I even got a "If I were a guy, I would so go out with you". Really? Well. Fuck me oh riley. I'm not looking for prince charming, I'm looking for a guy who has a brain, a sense of humour, can drink a beer, laugh with my friends, and find the right words for me". Now I'm not saying he has to be gorgeous, I tend to go for guys who look "different". But come on, God, don't send me any really obese guys. A little tummy, I'm cool with. A ridiculous hipster moustache? Fine; I'll deal. A guy who cross-dresses on weekends? Fine. Whatever. But holy fuck. Why, why... WHY am I alone?
I don't say this while slashing my wrists, I'm not depressed... I am seriously questioning myself.  I want to know. I personally think it's because I'm too much to handle. Guys can't take a girl who doesn't take shit from no one, speaks her mind and is generally a eccentric funky person. But at 24 I still have hope. (I say 24... but it's nearly my birthday! Christmas baby everyone!). How long should I wait until signing my death warrant? Or join a covent? (I can totally rhyme!)
25? 27? 50?
I might have to join an online wedding site. You know like in Russia. I'd be doing it legally too, I mean i already have 2 passports, so I don't even need to pretend to marry some guy just for a European passport, because I have two. That said, if it ends up like in the movies, I'll either be married to a heavily obese farmer... or a axe wielding murderer. I think I'll choose the murdering fuck-head. I'm pretty sure he'd make it a fast death. Or maybe like in Reservoir Dogs, he'll cut one of my ears off (which, i'd then go for the fat farmer, I'll just roll him over with the tractor, or fill his gullet with boiled eggs. Fat bastard probably wouldn't even choke. Probably slowly chew each one and ask for more).
Still. Need a plan. Mmmmm fuck it. I'm gunna flash the sexy guy from school (by the way, totally found him on Facebook... the guy has two youtube accounts as well, so I can perv on him from the comfort of my own flat... Now I sound weird).
Logging off. Need to make eggs. (I joke. It will be hot chocolate (no lactose, it will be soy)).
p.s. If the sexy guy from my school, in 4th year happens to pass by and read this (which is doubt, come on... he has never spoken to me)... I'm not a sociopath. I am just very shy and scared of making any decisions that will hurt me).
xxx

			

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Filed under Christmas, Clichés, Cold, Errrrrr ?, Europe, France, Hello?, Holidays, LOL, Men vs. Women, Risk, Sadness, Uncertainty

How Dolly Parton was the first Carrie Bradshaw


I know. It’s been a while since I last wrote. But for my defence I’ve been busy (no really). Anyway, lately I’ve been listening to a lot of country music, and yes I realise it is a sort of cliché (broken hearts, star crossed lovers and the whole “unrequited love” bollocks that you will find in most music genres, but you can deny is most prevalent in the country scene)… but I don’t care. It is still better than listening to techno while nursing a migraine.

You can’t listen to Country music without talking about the famous Dolly Parton (now with her own theme park, I kid you not. It’s called (surprise surprise) Dollyville). I started by listening to Islands in the stream, which is really a great song and the lyrics are really quite good (of course, me behind my computer mending a sort of heart/brain problem, it just made me a but jealous but hey, I can’t call Dolly a bitch can I? Nope.

Here’s the lyrics (at the end), and look closely, that guy really loves her, they’re making “love” and everything. Bitch (sorry Dolly). But it really goes to show that she was really putting herself out there, Carrie Bradshaw? Per-lease, Dolly was shouting all over the world in the 80’s how much she loved her man and that she enjoyed sex. Wonderful. And a mere 20 years later, Carrie was sitting with her friends talking about anal and blow-jobs! So passé my dear, come back and talk about making love, that’s the new BJ of the 21st century. You can’t get away with saying “making love” anymore! I say that, and I’ll be neutered on the spot!

So after Islands in the stream, I went to Jolene. If you can believe it, even better. Now personally, I don’t care for the name of Jolene. I’m not american, and to be honest, I don’t know anyone by the name of Jolene in any case. But hey, I didn’t write the song (if it had been me, I’d called it something like… Pauline… works too!). I’ll put the whole lyrics at the end, but listen to this bit (and yes, this is getting more personal, even though I know this PERSON doesn’t read my blog, know of its existence or even read English, but yes I’m talking about you BIACH!)… “Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene, Im begging of you please don’t take my man”… now I love this line, genius… that said if it was more I wouldn’t say please and I wouldn’t beg either, but hey Dolly’s a far more polite person that myself. She then writes “Please don’t take him just because you can”, and yes I agree, just because you can, don’t. Keep your legs crossed, and sometimes damn it, leave some of the other girls get a guy! This reminds me of a female friend of mine who’s having “boyfriend trouble” (even though in my opinion she is taking everything out of proportion and should wait and see, whatever, I’m happy I’m single (only in the situation though)). She has had… how should I put it, discrepancies in the past (dating guys who were already with girls etc), and I wonder if she is afraid her lover will do the same… the past always comes to bite you in the derrière at some point!) – or is that Karma? Anyway, love that line. She then goes on to say “And I cannot compete with you, jolene”. Now, I am definitely not the most confidant person in the world, but I can’t say she is selling herself short here… that said, I can’t deny that I have felt (and drunkenly said) the same thing. So you go girl, Dolly you’re perfect! At least Dolly’s showing a bit of humility, Jesus, I don’t think I have ever heard Carrie say she has doubts about her physique. She’s always prancing about like some prepubescent girl (I’m not saying I hate Sex and the City, I love it (except the second movie, bad choice… Abu Dhabi… really?)) but seriously she’s far from perfect, she has pretty anorexic arms! And lastly she says “You could have your choice of men, But I could never love again, He’s the only one for me, jolene”. Oh come on, you out there with your hearts of stone, isn’t that just lovely? Now, I don’t know how I feel about a certain someone (so complicated), but I can understand the feeling. No one wants to hear “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, argh. Please. That’s like saying there’s a lot of letters in a can of Alphabetti-Spaghetti. We know. We don’t need whooshing generalities. That said, everyone wants to feel special, and to steal a phrase from old Carrie herself, everyone likes the think that in our life, we have “one great love”. Now, when they come, if they don’t last long, or the passion blows out faster than expected… everyone should have at least one! (and this is where I insert a personal note here, “Ahem. Hello God, person out there, almighty power  (or Powa is your Asian or a teenage girl), Karma, Yahveh,  ‘ilah, Allah, Elohim… whatever, Dude, come on, through me a bone (not a real one please, I’m not a dog), send me something. A guy I can spend a bit of time with, without being fucked about with, playing with my emotions. He doesn’t even have to be the sexiest, or have good taste, look he doesn’t even have to be that intelligent (nothing under 160 IQ ok? Be cool.)… I’m not saying that I’m desperate, or that I’ll take anything… but I’m starting to think it’s me, not guys (even though my parents keep on reassuring me).

That’s it. So ladies (and gentlemen if you are out there and are still reading)… be happy in your own skin, beat the shit out of any boy stealing hag, and believe that you will love again, even after heartbreak (marzipan chocolate helps, i promise).

Islands in the Stream – Dolly Parton 
Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown
I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside, there was somethin going on
You do something to me that I can’t explain
Hold me closer and I feel no pain
Every beat of my heart
We got somethin goin on
Tender love is blind
It requires a dedication
All this love we feel
Needs no conversation
We ride it together, ah-ah
Makin love with each other, ah-ah

Chorus:

Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me to another world
And we rely on each other, ah-ah
From one lover to another, ah-ah

I can’t live without you if the love was gone
Everything is nothin if you got no one
And you did walk in tonight
Slowly loosen sight of the real thing

But that wont happen to us and we got no doubt
Too deep in love and we got no way out
And the message is clear
This could be the year for the real thing

No more will you cry
Baby, I will hurt you never
We start and end as one, in love forever
We can ride it together, ah-ah
Makin love with each other, ah-ah

Repeat chorus

Tag:

Sail away
Oh, come sail away with me

Repeat chorus

Fade:

Repeat chorus

– 
Jolene
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Im begging of you please don’t take my man 
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Please don’t take him just because you can 
Your beauty is beyond compare 
With flaming locks of auburn hair 
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green 
Your smile is like a breath of spring 
Your voice is soft like summer rain 
And I cannot compete with you, jolene 

He talks about you in his sleep 
There’s nothing I can do to keep 
From crying when he calls your name, jolene 

And I can easily understand 
How you could easily take my man 
But you don’t know what he means to me, jolene 

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Im begging of you please don’t take my man 
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Please don’t take him just because you can 

You could have your choice of men 
But I could never love again 
Hes the only one for me, jolene 

I had to have this talk with you 
My happiness depends on you 
And whatever you decide to do, jolene 

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Im begging of you please don’t take my man 
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Please don’t take him even though you can 
Jolene, jolene

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Filed under Clichés, Culture, Friends, Games People Play, Men vs. Women, Music, NEW!, Poems, Sex, Society