Category Archives: Games People Play

People are like apples


You're rotten, aren't you? It’s a bit of a cliché, but life really is like a tree. We all have roots and we all try and grow as strong as we can. There are storms that break our branches, our twigs fall and die, our leaves wither, we can bleed sap and we lose our leaves… some of are those leaves. We are blown this way and that, and we don’t where we end up, but we always land somewhere. As some people are the leaves, some of us are the branches, some are the trunks and some just never grow to full maturity. We are all the trees, but we are the apples that grow too. Some apples are the weakest link on the chain, because some of us are born not as pretty, not as shiny, and some of us start life seedless, or rotten on the inside. No apple is perfect. Neither are we.

We all aspire to grow and develop, have lives of our own, but some fall off the tree before they are given the chance to grow into their full potential. That’s sad. Some fall and die because of decease, and some fall off in the wind, because they feel as though they can no longer hold on to life. Some of us prefer to rot. They have that seed of possibility that every apple on the branch should have, but choose to let themselves rot, day by day. When these apples eventually fall off the tree, no one wants them. They’re thrown away, left to rot, alone.

Hope is the few seeds left inside the apple. They mean that even if you fuck up a bit, and fall off too early, there is still that possibility that one day you may regenerate, grow into a new tree,a stronger tree… new life.

I hope that we all choose to take that chance, use our opportunity to grow as strong as we can. Those who fall off the tree, those who let themselves rot to death and give up, realise what they are doing before they take that final battering by the wind and let go. Because all they end up as, are apples by the wayside, people look on, but you can’t eat a rotten apple, not only is it ugly on the inside, it’s ugly on the outside. It’s not appealing. And everyone knows you can’t fix a rotten apple. So you kick it aside and walk on. Especially if it’s rotten to the core, from the inside out.

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Filed under Choice, Clichés, Desserts, Environment, Food & Cooking, Games People Play, Goodbye, life's a bitch

Artistic innit?


To be honest, I don’t really consider myself an artist… more like some knob who creates stuff no one cares about. I’m posting this one (for once, I never post on public sites my artwork), because it’s not very personal, and mr T is in it (not that he knows this of course). It’s an homage. I wanted him to be part of an art piece without him knowing, so now he is a published author too (except he won’t be paid, although, neither am I, so I think we’re equal… here’s hoping he didn’t copy right that photo… which as a by the by isn’t great quality (note to self tell him, if he ever talks to me again, how to use the adjustments on his camera) but who cares, he is part of it. Cool eh!? Even if you said no I wouldn’t give a rats ass.

Enjoy!

(p.s. The story talks a lot about booze. Just in case you thought I was an alcoholic, I just had the results of a blood test and my alcohol levels are good, and, YESSSSSSSS are low too. So screw you metabolism! I can drink like anyone’s business!)

 Hello Toulouse

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Filed under Alcohol, bla bla bla, Clichés, Comics, Culture, Europe, France, Friends, Games People Play, Happiness, Hello?, You

Read me!


  My friend “F” made this for me the other day. Makes me feel slightly less sad.

fuckyouTagain

 

fuckyouT

 

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Filed under Games People Play, Goodbye, Happiness, Hate!, life's a bitch, Men vs. Women

Perception : ”We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Oscar Wilde

Okie dokes, where to start? Well last night was… an illumination in more ways than one. Firstly… I was pissed. Now don’t get all judgy, I’m a 25 year old adult and segundo I can hold my liquor. So now that my alcohol situation is out of the way, I can start my tirade of anger… or shall I say… rant of realisation. Any how, the finality was that I felt as though I had been mind fucked. Todays subject with be the perception we have of others, and I suppose how they differ to reality.

I have to of course talk about myself before making my final statement (I believe it’s done like that in law). I am perceived, per say, as the happy, bubbly, talkative extrovert who makes friends easily and who apparently seems muy outgoing. This is what I was call a mask. No one in life really walks around crying and screaming I AM DEEPLY UNHAPPY. No. i’m not saying that some people are worse off than others, we are all individuals, with our own problems, hopes, fears… and you can’t make a universal rule stating which problems are more important or less important than others. That said, sure it is commonly agreed… being raped is far worse than… your mother not letting you buy the last GameBoy game. Duh. But… as adults we all have our own issues, and it is important to listen and understand that everyone deals differently with every problem.

What I am talking about is this “mask” we all wear… or in some cases, don’t. I have noticed, and I can say this with authority and confidence, people who usually self harm don’t usually desire for death… they long for someone to notice the signs, and help them. People who truly want death, they don’t usually shut themselves in their room listening to Stiff Little Fingers or Billy Holiday and cutting themselves. Generally unhappy people wear a mask out in their everyday lives and only a fair few know of their true sentiments. I for example, I don’t feel the need or the desire to be pitied. Shit happens. Sometimes nice people get more shit than others. That’s life. I suppose that’s why I have little patience for lazy, childish people who walk around telling anyone who will listen that life is crap, that nothing will every get better. Sometimes it doesn’t get better, but you better try. I honestly believe we are the lucky ones here. We live in Europe, specially me in France. We get FREE HEALTHCARE. This may seem not important, for people with illnesses that are incurable (like moi for ex) this is such a weight of your shoulders. Of course I don’t have money, I’m a student, but I get by. And I don’t have to worry about paying for… headache tablets… or my asthma inhaler or whatever. Let’s look at… Syria… best holiday location ever… right? Come on. Many cities blown to pieces, people dying of hunger, little or no education, no sexual or male/female equality… apart front he bombs going off, they now have an outbreak of Polio! Woo hoo! Doesn’t that put our own problems into perspective? Fuck yeah. Get off your chair and try. Wear a mask if you need to, I’m not saying you have to pretend everything is ok, everyone has their own way of dealing with their own shit… but we don’t have it that bad here!

I mean, look, your ex has broken up with you? Cry. Sceam. Buy clothes. Fuck everything in sight. Buy a dog. Eat McDonalds. Complain. But at some point, it get’s better, there’s no point wallowing in the past. Hating. The worst thing you can do to someone is indifference. I swear, I am able to do this to others but when it’s done to me, I’m broken.

Second example. You failed a class, a years worth of university… whatever. THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

I suppose what gets me is that, seriously… the only thing you need to worry about is your health and your security. Because to be honest, you only have one life! If you die, who gives a shit that you were dumped, or you failed a class, or your grandfather died? I remember a phrase which I absolutely love from Catcher on the Rye by Salinger, which is :

“Boy, when you’re dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a god dam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.”

You get me? When you’re dead, there’s fuck all you need or want. So this is why I firmly believe on picking your sorry ass off the ground and shaking off those feelings and trying your best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but life is worth trying… if you believe it’s worth living.

So, as I was saying about masks… sure, we off give off a vibe or a perception, but i can tell you for a fact, like with anything, when someone is overcompensating… something is wrong. For girls, a guy is too nice to you? He wants to fuck you. A girl is too nice to a guy? She really likes you. A person is always too happy, saying yes all the time? Invite them round for tea. Something is wrong. A friend is always depressed and listening to the misfits and feeling sorry for themselves? Give them a kick up the arse. They need a push.

I realise their are some really unwell people out there, and they obviously need to see a specialist, but this is what the average joe is. This is what life is for most of us lucky ones who don’t live in a place with bombs falling on us, or living with the fear or mass rape, murder, torture… or living somewhere were there is no equality, where access to healthcare and education is unheard of. I suppose I have little patience for people who don’t seize the opportunities given to them, and prefer to stay in the dark.

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Filed under Culture, Games People Play, NEW!, Risk, Sadness, Society, Uncertainty

Lock, Stock and Two Pints Too Many


Okie dokes. Where to start today? Difficult I’ll admit. Well. It’s a beautiful and sunny day here, and it can only put a spring in your step and a smile on your face. But, I shall talk today about something darker… what happens when you drink that golden nectar we all call beer (or for me, cider).

Today will continue from the last two I believe, but I can assure you, will be the last on the subject. Why you may say? Ah ha, I suppose like every good fairy tale, it has an ending! But not surprisingly (well for moi at least) not the ending you would desire. But that ladies and gentleman is not a shock, I mean come on, this is Roxy, everyone best friend! The last to be picked for sport etc! But, hey I’m not sad about that, I suppose you get used to that kinda shite anyway.

So, I’m feeling lazy and tired of all the shit to do with life, so I’ll be brief. Some friends of mine and I decided to do a onesie night and visit a few bars. We had copious amounts of gin at my flat, then headed to town. Now, we were very very hammered, so I feel like this probably explains why I went bat-shit crazy after (which for the people that know me, know I don’t do stuff like this, so yeah. Not my usual self!). We spend about two hours in bar C, and we left because there was live music, and I’m afraid to say we did not enjoy it! We then decided to go to bar MP. Mistake my friends would say, I on the other hand think with hindsight this was the only way, because visibly he didn’t have the balls to tell me, and I don’t want to live in wonder land (what pisses me off, is that I didn’t think he was a shit, I mean sure, I knew the guy had baggage (don’t we all?) but I swear I didn’t think he was this much of a heartless git. You will understand after, but holy fuck, I would have loved to say my own damn face, but anyway…) so I suppose at least I was… sure of his intentions (which to clarify here, is to clearly fuck me, lie and lie again, so super dooper Roxy!).

Anyway, so we all walk in, you could hardly miss us, because… I was dressed as a skeleton, one of my mates was a rabbit and the other one the cookie monster… so yeah. It’s not like we could “blend in”. Everyone in the bar was clapping and stuff, so they thought it was funny. We ordered a few pints and sat down. T’s mates came over and said hello (oh yeah, I forgot to say, dickface, or Mr T, was already there, but I ignored him, because, well he’s a big boy, if he wants to say hello he can, I don’t bite.) We had a few laughs… etc etc… I turn my face, and he is literally eating this girls face. I swear to you, all class went out the window, bit… sad really, I mean… seriously I think we are all old enough to know that PDA is a bit sad. Anyway. So, you are wondering what is going through my mind. Ah ha!!!! Well I was like, holy fuck, the dick. Ok fine. At least he’s made his choice, but didn’t have the balls to tell me. Okie dokes. Fine. I shall just enjoy my night anyway.

This is why I’m not totally sad about the whole thing, is because I have friends who love me and will defend me. One of my greatest friends screams “OI, T YOU FUCKING CUNT” across the bar. God Knows if he heard but hot damn does that make you feel good! This is when it gets funny, funny for me, definitely not for him. Now, I’ll remind you, I have never EVER done this, but as I saw him go to the lavatory, I shout “Oi. Dick head.” He pops his head up, and acts… mmm a mix between, drunk, surprised… and shock? No wait… shy… yeah he really hasn’t got balls… never thought about that. Oh well, (that said I usually go for shy guys but hey, maybe I should change hey?) I then (now I have got his attention) to shout something along the lines of, you piece of shit go fuck yourself. I can’t say I remember anyway. He then shuffles off.

I didn’t realise one of his mates heard and asked my friend C, what was wrong with me, she gave him an abbreviated version. (I found out the next day that he wasn’t aware of anything, so I’m thinking they can’t be THAT close. Oops. He said to C something along the lines of, oh well that’s probably girl A (in other words… well he’s got so many girls begging to date him that he has to class them, plan A, plan B…). Now, for people who know me, I have big issues with myself, my family etc but fuck me if I am going to be made to feel like a worthless pile of crap because a guy thinks I’m not good enough for him. So, even though I would of course want to see him again and all that jazz, for respect for myself etc, I can’t. I just can’t. I just hope he finds happiness. Or at least learns not to treat women like shite (although who knows, he may have made a special exception for me and decided to treat JUST me like shit! Who knows).

The thing is, in all seriousness, I don’t wish him ill. I really hope, he sorts himself out, maybe see a Psychologist or something. He has deep rooted problems, he doesn’t seem happy. Now visibly, I wasn’t the girl to help him, but maybe someone else will… but falling into another relationship… would just be a band aid… you can’t be happy with someone if you can’t be happy with yourself. I can attest to that, because I know how much I hate myself. I know why I hate myself, and yet I get up every day and try to be ok. I put on my mask and smile. The thing is, he likes wallowing in his own mess, that he thinks he’s the only one who feels the way he does. That’s called despair, and all I can say, is that everyone feels like that once in a while. So who knows what adventure lies on the other side, but if you don’t try, you can’t find out. As for me, oh well, it’s a shame, I really like like him, but what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger (argh, did I just quote Kanye West? Well… it WAS an expression before he made a shitty song) So… I’ll put that down to experience, and hope that one day it’s my turn for a great guy and a super relationship… or whatever! Until then, I shall… paint, draw, drink, laugh and cry! xxx

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Filed under Alcohol, Friends, Games People Play, Goodbye, Hate!, Loser Guys, Men vs. Women, Politics, Risk, Sadness, Shut The Fuck Up, Society, The future

How Dolly Parton was the first Carrie Bradshaw


I know. It’s been a while since I last wrote. But for my defence I’ve been busy (no really). Anyway, lately I’ve been listening to a lot of country music, and yes I realise it is a sort of cliché (broken hearts, star crossed lovers and the whole “unrequited love” bollocks that you will find in most music genres, but you can deny is most prevalent in the country scene)… but I don’t care. It is still better than listening to techno while nursing a migraine.

You can’t listen to Country music without talking about the famous Dolly Parton (now with her own theme park, I kid you not. It’s called (surprise surprise) Dollyville). I started by listening to Islands in the stream, which is really a great song and the lyrics are really quite good (of course, me behind my computer mending a sort of heart/brain problem, it just made me a but jealous but hey, I can’t call Dolly a bitch can I? Nope.

Here’s the lyrics (at the end), and look closely, that guy really loves her, they’re making “love” and everything. Bitch (sorry Dolly). But it really goes to show that she was really putting herself out there, Carrie Bradshaw? Per-lease, Dolly was shouting all over the world in the 80’s how much she loved her man and that she enjoyed sex. Wonderful. And a mere 20 years later, Carrie was sitting with her friends talking about anal and blow-jobs! So passé my dear, come back and talk about making love, that’s the new BJ of the 21st century. You can’t get away with saying “making love” anymore! I say that, and I’ll be neutered on the spot!

So after Islands in the stream, I went to Jolene. If you can believe it, even better. Now personally, I don’t care for the name of Jolene. I’m not american, and to be honest, I don’t know anyone by the name of Jolene in any case. But hey, I didn’t write the song (if it had been me, I’d called it something like… Pauline… works too!). I’ll put the whole lyrics at the end, but listen to this bit (and yes, this is getting more personal, even though I know this PERSON doesn’t read my blog, know of its existence or even read English, but yes I’m talking about you BIACH!)… “Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene, Im begging of you please don’t take my man”… now I love this line, genius… that said if it was more I wouldn’t say please and I wouldn’t beg either, but hey Dolly’s a far more polite person that myself. She then writes “Please don’t take him just because you can”, and yes I agree, just because you can, don’t. Keep your legs crossed, and sometimes damn it, leave some of the other girls get a guy! This reminds me of a female friend of mine who’s having “boyfriend trouble” (even though in my opinion she is taking everything out of proportion and should wait and see, whatever, I’m happy I’m single (only in the situation though)). She has had… how should I put it, discrepancies in the past (dating guys who were already with girls etc), and I wonder if she is afraid her lover will do the same… the past always comes to bite you in the derrière at some point!) – or is that Karma? Anyway, love that line. She then goes on to say “And I cannot compete with you, jolene”. Now, I am definitely not the most confidant person in the world, but I can’t say she is selling herself short here… that said, I can’t deny that I have felt (and drunkenly said) the same thing. So you go girl, Dolly you’re perfect! At least Dolly’s showing a bit of humility, Jesus, I don’t think I have ever heard Carrie say she has doubts about her physique. She’s always prancing about like some prepubescent girl (I’m not saying I hate Sex and the City, I love it (except the second movie, bad choice… Abu Dhabi… really?)) but seriously she’s far from perfect, she has pretty anorexic arms! And lastly she says “You could have your choice of men, But I could never love again, He’s the only one for me, jolene”. Oh come on, you out there with your hearts of stone, isn’t that just lovely? Now, I don’t know how I feel about a certain someone (so complicated), but I can understand the feeling. No one wants to hear “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, argh. Please. That’s like saying there’s a lot of letters in a can of Alphabetti-Spaghetti. We know. We don’t need whooshing generalities. That said, everyone wants to feel special, and to steal a phrase from old Carrie herself, everyone likes the think that in our life, we have “one great love”. Now, when they come, if they don’t last long, or the passion blows out faster than expected… everyone should have at least one! (and this is where I insert a personal note here, “Ahem. Hello God, person out there, almighty power  (or Powa is your Asian or a teenage girl), Karma, Yahveh,  ‘ilah, Allah, Elohim… whatever, Dude, come on, through me a bone (not a real one please, I’m not a dog), send me something. A guy I can spend a bit of time with, without being fucked about with, playing with my emotions. He doesn’t even have to be the sexiest, or have good taste, look he doesn’t even have to be that intelligent (nothing under 160 IQ ok? Be cool.)… I’m not saying that I’m desperate, or that I’ll take anything… but I’m starting to think it’s me, not guys (even though my parents keep on reassuring me).

That’s it. So ladies (and gentlemen if you are out there and are still reading)… be happy in your own skin, beat the shit out of any boy stealing hag, and believe that you will love again, even after heartbreak (marzipan chocolate helps, i promise).

Islands in the Stream – Dolly Parton 
Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown
I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside, there was somethin going on
You do something to me that I can’t explain
Hold me closer and I feel no pain
Every beat of my heart
We got somethin goin on
Tender love is blind
It requires a dedication
All this love we feel
Needs no conversation
We ride it together, ah-ah
Makin love with each other, ah-ah

Chorus:

Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me to another world
And we rely on each other, ah-ah
From one lover to another, ah-ah

I can’t live without you if the love was gone
Everything is nothin if you got no one
And you did walk in tonight
Slowly loosen sight of the real thing

But that wont happen to us and we got no doubt
Too deep in love and we got no way out
And the message is clear
This could be the year for the real thing

No more will you cry
Baby, I will hurt you never
We start and end as one, in love forever
We can ride it together, ah-ah
Makin love with each other, ah-ah

Repeat chorus

Tag:

Sail away
Oh, come sail away with me

Repeat chorus

Fade:

Repeat chorus

– 
Jolene
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Im begging of you please don’t take my man 
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Please don’t take him just because you can 
Your beauty is beyond compare 
With flaming locks of auburn hair 
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green 
Your smile is like a breath of spring 
Your voice is soft like summer rain 
And I cannot compete with you, jolene 

He talks about you in his sleep 
There’s nothing I can do to keep 
From crying when he calls your name, jolene 

And I can easily understand 
How you could easily take my man 
But you don’t know what he means to me, jolene 

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Im begging of you please don’t take my man 
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Please don’t take him just because you can 

You could have your choice of men 
But I could never love again 
Hes the only one for me, jolene 

I had to have this talk with you 
My happiness depends on you 
And whatever you decide to do, jolene 

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Im begging of you please don’t take my man 
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene 
Please don’t take him even though you can 
Jolene, jolene

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Filed under Clichés, Culture, Friends, Games People Play, Men vs. Women, Music, NEW!, Poems, Sex, Society

“SPAM” and not so fast mails…


Spam ?Lately, I’ll agree I’ve been pretty busy, I apologise to my very few readers (that said, over 11 000 views in 2 years… feeling pretty cool right now) for not writing as much as I’d like, but alas, I have started another school… (after history and history of art, it’s up to graphic design…) in Paris, and I have no time at all!

So, SPAM… I am of course not talking about the gross looking congealed processed meat, but in fact the lovely mails we all receive in our email “trash cans” (definition : Spam is the use of electronic messaging systems to send unsolicited bulk messages, especially advertising, indiscriminately). In general, I am lucky enough to get a few seedy emails from people offering me various “busty/sexy/hot/horny housewives/topless…” (all or a variety on these examples) women… a couple of bizarre, clearly misguided emails offering me “penis enlargement”, which to be honest, if I was a guy, I’d be worried about getting and the usual “spend a zillion dollars and get this” or “how to get a green card”. Now, I don’t know why, but this got me to thinking… I actually get more trash emails that actual people sending me emails to find out how I am, or if I dead. Sure I could be offended, but in reality… it’s a sad comment on how society is getting… automated and anti-social… with so much social media at our disposition, I feel that people are feeling too connected, thus no longer crave real intimacy and friendship. You no longer have to interact with someone to find out about what they are doing. We are a few clicks from becoming a real “Wall-E” world (cf: go watch the movie losers xxx). I’m worried… that in a few years my only relationship will be with my 15 year old Tamagotchi. No, i’m not kidding, It’s still alive (does it count if the batteries have died?). Even when one does send an impromptu email… you have to wait a certain amount of time before getting any sort of replies nowadays… why I hear you ask? Ok, here is what the people across the pond call the “low down” :

1) No one will respond immediately or make the first move, this indicates neediness and unmanliness (or in general “no ball syndrome”… apparently this is more figuratively that physically, i have, you will be pleased to know done the “leg work” as an anonymous blogger to check),

2) Replying fast apparently also means you are too eager (thus back to point 1) and a giant loser, so there is an appropriate time lapse before a response (between 24hours and 72 hours, after that he/she isn’t interested, so hunny/dude you should let it go),

3) This “time lapse” equation is hard to calculate, because it can vary… for ex, needy person will wait for 24hours and conclude that the guy/girl = not interested (maybe because there is a larger percentage of interest on this person), but if someone is more “blasé” about the response, he/she won”t be annoyed/irritated by the time lapse…

This leaves as all juggling more than the initial “hi-how-are-you-bla-bla-bla” conversation opener with the “OMG-will-they-think-i’m-desperate-lonely-loser” as well as… “desire” (how I hate that word… I feel like I’m in an 80’s mustachio movie when I use that… I shudder, excuse me for that. When I was a kid, you didn’t think of “perception”, you just did what you wanted when you wanted. I try to be like that, aka… if I get an email, I reply… immediately… but even I am reeled in to the “yes-my-name-is-roxy-and-i-am-single” dilemma… So what to do?

In my opinion, I’d want to say fuck it and not think about the consequences, but I feel that I’ll then receive an angry letter from someone complaining that that attitude gets people pregnant or dumped. So… maybe my advice should be that people should do what they feel is right… but I don’t agree on that either… there is far too much “missed communication” (don’t you dare use the word “connexions”, that’s bullshit). But I’m lost… what are we supposed to do? I don’t know the rules to these games any more… Oh blasphemy…

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Filed under Clichés, Culture, Errrrrr ?, Errrrrr wtf?, Games People Play, LOL, Love, Men vs. Women, Politics, Risk, Society