We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
Okie dokes, where to start? Well last night was… an illumination in more ways than one. Firstly… I was pissed. Now don’t get all judgy, I’m a 25 year old adult and segundo I can hold my liquor. So now that my alcohol situation is out of the way, I can start my tirade of anger… or shall I say… rant of realisation. Any how, the finality was that I felt as though I had been mind fucked. Todays subject with be the perception we have of others, and I suppose how they differ to reality.
I have to of course talk about myself before making my final statement (I believe it’s done like that in law). I am perceived, per say, as the happy, bubbly, talkative extrovert who makes friends easily and who apparently seems muy outgoing. This is what I was call a mask. No one in life really walks around crying and screaming I AM DEEPLY UNHAPPY. No. i’m not saying that some people are worse off than others, we are all individuals, with our own problems, hopes, fears… and you can’t make a universal rule stating which problems are more important or less important than others. That said, sure it is commonly agreed… being raped is far worse than… your mother not letting you buy the last GameBoy game. Duh. But… as adults we all have our own issues, and it is important to listen and understand that everyone deals differently with every problem.
What I am talking about is this “mask” we all wear… or in some cases, don’t. I have noticed, and I can say this with authority and confidence, people who usually self harm don’t usually desire for death… they long for someone to notice the signs, and help them. People who truly want death, they don’t usually shut themselves in their room listening to Stiff Little Fingers or Billy Holiday and cutting themselves. Generally unhappy people wear a mask out in their everyday lives and only a fair few know of their true sentiments. I for example, I don’t feel the need or the desire to be pitied. Shit happens. Sometimes nice people get more shit than others. That’s life. I suppose that’s why I have little patience for lazy, childish people who walk around telling anyone who will listen that life is crap, that nothing will every get better. Sometimes it doesn’t get better, but you better try. I honestly believe we are the lucky ones here. We live in Europe, specially me in France. We get FREE HEALTHCARE. This may seem not important, for people with illnesses that are incurable (like moi for ex) this is such a weight of your shoulders. Of course I don’t have money, I’m a student, but I get by. And I don’t have to worry about paying for… headache tablets… or my asthma inhaler or whatever. Let’s look at… Syria… best holiday location ever… right? Come on. Many cities blown to pieces, people dying of hunger, little or no education, no sexual or male/female equality… apart front he bombs going off, they now have an outbreak of Polio! Woo hoo! Doesn’t that put our own problems into perspective? Fuck yeah. Get off your chair and try. Wear a mask if you need to, I’m not saying you have to pretend everything is ok, everyone has their own way of dealing with their own shit… but we don’t have it that bad here!
I mean, look, your ex has broken up with you? Cry. Sceam. Buy clothes. Fuck everything in sight. Buy a dog. Eat McDonalds. Complain. But at some point, it get’s better, there’s no point wallowing in the past. Hating. The worst thing you can do to someone is indifference. I swear, I am able to do this to others but when it’s done to me, I’m broken.
Second example. You failed a class, a years worth of university… whatever. THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
I suppose what gets me is that, seriously… the only thing you need to worry about is your health and your security. Because to be honest, you only have one life! If you die, who gives a shit that you were dumped, or you failed a class, or your grandfather died? I remember a phrase which I absolutely love from Catcher on the Rye by Salinger, which is :
“Boy, when you’re dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a god dam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.”
You get me? When you’re dead, there’s fuck all you need or want. So this is why I firmly believe on picking your sorry ass off the ground and shaking off those feelings and trying your best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but life is worth trying… if you believe it’s worth living.
So, as I was saying about masks… sure, we off give off a vibe or a perception, but i can tell you for a fact, like with anything, when someone is overcompensating… something is wrong. For girls, a guy is too nice to you? He wants to fuck you. A girl is too nice to a guy? She really likes you. A person is always too happy, saying yes all the time? Invite them round for tea. Something is wrong. A friend is always depressed and listening to the misfits and feeling sorry for themselves? Give them a kick up the arse. They need a push.
I realise their are some really unwell people out there, and they obviously need to see a specialist, but this is what the average joe is. This is what life is for most of us lucky ones who don’t live in a place with bombs falling on us, or living with the fear or mass rape, murder, torture… or living somewhere were there is no equality, where access to healthcare and education is unheard of. I suppose I have little patience for people who don’t seize the opportunities given to them, and prefer to stay in the dark.