Monthly Archives: May 2011

Qu’est ce qu’est “Faire l’Amour” ?


Le Baiser - Klimt

Beaucoup ne le sait pas. Sans tombé dans la grivoiserie… comment décrirais – je ce verbe si élusif pour certains, qui pour beaucoup ne figure que dans leurs esprits. Je ne cherche pas à être cru. Je veux chercher à travers l’écriture, certes personnelle, d’arriver à une description apte d’un acte pour certains… indescriptible ? Traitons notre dilemme en poésie contemporaine, en prose…

Tout commence par un regard, un effleurement de la peau, une caresse impromptue,
L’attente de chaque touchée, interminable, atroce, 

Une respiration qui oscille entre un va – et – vient corporel,  

Sensation d’intemporalité prend soudaine le couple,
Danse charnelle, pas de regles, humaine, animal, 

Peu – à – peu les sens s’électrifient et le coeur s’emballe,
Du haut en bas et de bas en haut le sang jailli, attends,

Osmose émotionnel, plus de regrets, plus de haine, que du plaisir,

Catharsis total. 

What do you think ?

intemporel hors du temps

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Inimitable, Atypique, Anomalie, Unique… Moi !


I apologise for all those who don’t speak French, but I am in a very good mood… why? Who knows, but I like to spread the happiness, and I am of the opinion that French is the language I desire to write in today (lucky I’m half French then isn’t it?)

So, commençons !

Lorsqu’on te demande de te décrire. Que dis tu ? J’ai pris la décision de vraiment parler de moi pour ce poste. Peu de gens le savent, mais je ne suis certainement pas un livre ouvert. Je suis honnête, ce que tu vois, est souvent ce que je pense et que je suis, mais au fond, on cache toujours quelques petites particules de note veritable “Être”. Pour beaucoup, ce sont les timides, ceux qui parle peu ou pas, qui cache leur jeu… mais en réalité, ce n’est pas de ceux qu’il faut se méfier ! Je ne peux que parler pour moi, et de mon propre experience, mais j’estime ayant pas mal voyagé, et étant de nature partante pour essayer tout au moins une fois… que je commence à connaître ce qui est l’homme… même si je sais que je n’ai que fais une égratignure à la surface. Je sais qui je suis. Je le dis haut et fort.

JE SUIS MOI. JE NE SUIS PAS PARFAITE. MAIS JE M’AIME, ET JE SAIS QUE TOI, OUI TOI LÀ POURRAIT M’AIMER AUSSI.

Etre sur de cela me permet peu – à – peu à ne pas trop attarder sur ceux qui me dont mal. Qui refuse ce que je suis, ce que je peux donner, et finalement ce que je represente. Je ne suis pas comme tout les autres. On me le dis. Et on me le répète. Ce serait tout de même pompeux de ma part, de croire que je suis seule à penser cela, car au fond, dans le monde dans laquelle nous vivons, nous sommes tous unique… et nous somme tous pareil notre notre façon d’être unique. Que sont ceux qui se démarque vraiment ? Comment savoir si nous le sommes ? Je pense savoir.

Absinthe...

Ceux qui sont véritablement différente le savent, au fond de leur âme qui le sont. Je ne parle ni de la maniere de s’habiller, ni de ceux qui se donne des airs en buvant de l’absinthe au bord d’une rivière, chapeau melon à leurs cotés et un spliff dans l’autre main. L’individualité ce n’est pas ceux que l’on pointe du doigt dans la rue car leur apparence choque notre état d’âme, ni ceux que l’on entend parler d’art et de politique comme si cela aller être eux qui aller refaire une utopie dans un monde comme la notre, où à chaque carrefour on voit ce qui est un univers à la fois gigantesque et désastreuse.

Ceux qui sont au sommet de l’atypique sont ceux que tu croises peut-être deux ou trois fois dans ta vie, que tu trouve banale, ou même étrange au premier abord… mais que dés que tu fasses l’effort de creuser un peu plus dans ce qu’on appelle “l’intimité de chacun” on réalise qu’on à trouver une perle rare, une perle peut-être disgracieuse au premier regard… peut-être qui manque d’uniformité… qui ne brille pas comme les autres… mais qui te transperce le coeur avec un javelot… te figes où tu te trouves.

C’est en quelque sorte ce qui est l’amour. L’amour ce n’est pas pour moi un sentiment comme on pourrait le penser. La colère, c’est la colère. La haine… n’est qu’un sentiment parmi d’autre… l’amour… c’est un assemblage de tout les sentiments. Lorsqu’on aime… on est également heureux, en colère parfois… jaloux… on est un puzzle de sentiments. L’amour… c’est en réalité la recherche d’une personne, que l’on ne connaît pas encore, ou qu’on connaît… mais si pour certains l’amour leur “tombe sur la tête”… ce n’est pas totalement vrai… l’amour c’est la recherche d’un certain nombre de choses qui ne sont pas totalement quantifiable. Parfois on ne sait pas ce qu’on cherche, mais lorsqu’on la trouvé… on en est sur.

l’individualité c’est un peu comme cela. Un premier rencontre n’est pas determinant. Ce que beaucoup oublie, c’est qu’il y a une multitude de “choses” qui font que telle ou telle rencontre est une réussite ou non. Je ne peux plus compter le nombre de fois on ma dis “Oh ben ta copine… je ne l’aime pas!”. Plus tard… lors d’une autre rencontre… elle peut être plus réussite. Pourquoi ? De nos jours, la veritable individualité ils ne voient pas. On ne peut jamais juger un livre par sa couverture. Pourquoi ferons – nous pareil avec les personnes que nous croisons ?

Je ne peux savoir. Mais je sais qui je suis. Je suis historienne. J’aime fouiller. J’aime découvrir ce que fais vibrer les gens. Je veux connaître le plus de choses possible et le plus de gens possible. Si la vie est un chemin à parcourir, je veux le faire avec les autres.

J’ai des regrets. J’ai fais des erreurs, mais je pense qu’il faut donner plus de chances aux gens, car tout n’est pas entre nos mains. Pour certains, la part des choses qui n’est pas dans notre controle, c’est Dieu qui le détient… pour d’autres… c’est autrui. Pour moi, c’est le hasard. Ne laissons pas le hasard dicter notre vie, il faut lorsqu’on est déçu, remonter sur ce cheval métaphorique, et re-tenter de comprendre l’autre.

Vous allez peut-être me demander ce qui à prompter ce blog. Ce serait difficile d’en parler sans que cette personne sache que je parle, d’eux. Mais si je peux être plus sommaire dans ma pensée, je pense que cet individu pourrait bien s’entendre avec moi, mais je suis déçu de la manière que nous avons passé du temps ensemble… ce n’était que peu propice à la découverte d’autrui… et j’ai peur d’avoir perdu cette personne à jamais. Pourquoi ? Car nous, l’être humain tel qu’il ait… aime jouer.. jouer avec l’autre c’est son passe-temps favori… et cette bête est parfois trop fière pour creuser au plus profond de l’autre pour savoir ce qui ne va pas.

Je termine donc avec une idée fixe de ce que je fois faire. Donner une chance ultime d’autrui, que lui aussi, tout comme moi, doit faire d’avantage d’effort dans la recherche de l’individualité de chacun. Tout le monde sait, combien de fois on me la dis, que je ne suis vraiment pas comme les autres. Il y en a vraiment qu’une Roxane ? Tu m’étonnes que mes parents ne voulais que faire un enfant, il me faut des hommes et des femmes fortes pour comprendre ce que je suis. Beaucoup abandonne. D’autres savent qu’il y a au bout du chemin quelqu’un de peut-être fantastique. Tout comme tout le monde est.

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Change is Gunna Come…


Today is my last day in my degree course. If everything goes well, I shall soon be a fully fledged bachelor. I will have spent 3 years studying for a history degree. In vain? That is an important issue. Not one I shall talk about today though. Today, feels like change is coming. Another beginning is coming. I’m glad of the person that I have become. I undoubtably have made errors and I am far from being perfect, but I accept those mistakes without batting an eyelid. Why? Because I have learnt something from everything. You can’t deny that you don’t learn from the past, at least that’s why I started to study history. I’m studying history because I like to think that I can make a small, even minute difference. War for example is never an answer, at least not one that should be taken lightly.

Are you ready for the puppet show?

I have learnt also that history isn’t a chronological list of the most important events that have changed the world. I mean sure, WW2 sent gigantic shock waves through the collective psyche… but it hasn’t changed anything in the way people act when there is discord. Again and again do we all read about such and such atrocity that has been committed across the globe. Even if it is unlikely that a historian will be the one standing up and fighting to stop such actions, I honestly believe we are here to show own our errors, and hopefully learn from them. The same actions do not give the same consequences. Life and history isn’t mathematics. Never do we see the same consequences come from the same actions. They may be similar (no food, famine = revolts) but not all revolts turn into revolution, for example, but are never the same. It goes to prove that however way we see “world history”, we as humans are not in a cyclican vision of history, we are in a world of our own making, utter, and extremely comforting chaos.

CHAOS

I love that world. It is really comforting to think that whatever way you see it, we are in control of what we are doing, because if we didn’t view it that way, we would be the puppets in a giant puppet show. For ever perpetrating the same mistakes… but most importantly if we didn’t live in this chaos… are we thus destined to do what we are doing? Do we then justify the many wars and deaths that have come to past? Is there nothing we can do to stop a possible WW3 from ever taking place…. if it in fact written in our futures?

Just like in Greek mythology, are the three “parques” forever cutting the strings that is our own lives? Do we not control our own destiny? I like to think we are. Otherwise all the past pain and sufferings are in fact justified… and thus are deemed “ok” (to put it blandly).

I don’t want to believe that. I want to believe that today, is the first day of a new life. A life that I am fully in control of. For most of my life I have done what I have always wanted… and I’ll be damned if there is something or someone in control of my life that isn’t me. Yes, it is probably evident that a “God” isn’t in my own future… but I don’t want to even think of a God… I want to think purely of what is a solid huma history. History is by definition the written word of humans. Before writing and before humans, it is not deemed as history, but pre-history.

So today, I think we should all take heed, be in control of our own destinies. Today, change is gunna come. But make sure it is you in the driving seat, and that you are in control of your own life. Because no one wants a pussy. 🙂

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Come On People! Bring on the Revolution!


Peace

Everyone who knows me… knows I hate Che Guevara. I’m sorry all you neo-revolutionaries out there. Why? Because for me, if you have a dream and you want freedom/justice/happiness for your people/community/country etc, it’s not through pain, death and suffering that you should achieve it. Undoubtably, war can ultimately get you “what you want”, but is that what we truly want? I believe the way we get what we desire, is important. Not only is the “frame” but also its “contents” important. You don’t understand? Ok, well let me explain in more detail.

Let’s say we are having a discussion, let’s say… I’m talking to my imaginary boyfriend… I would like him to STOP wearing those grubby pants he calls underwear… and maybe wear some nice new boxers. He refuses. Now, no one in their right mind can really think that wearing dirty underwear with holes in is ok… but sometimes we are stubborn. We prefer to cut ones nose off to spite our own face… we don’t want to accept that others are even a bit right. So how to you remedy this situation? You insist on the “frame” of what you want to say… on other words, you don’t say “You better change your fucking pants otherwise we are never ever having sex!”… but it would be far better to say “Here are some new pants! I thought you would love a change!”.

What are we doing? We are saying things in a better way to achieve what we want.

Che Guevara, La Havane, Cuba, 1963

For me… the Che, went the wrong way to get what is and was a beautiful dream for his people. We all want peace, freedom and equality… but I personally believe that we can achieve these things and more, through peace. That said, sometimes was in inevitable (cf : WW2) and it is important to fight for the greater good), but I find myself reading more and more often, people dying from a war that is not their own, and could have been avoided.

Gandhi achieved his dream for India through peace. Many died for their cause, but their method worked. I feel that there is not much to say about this. War is now a commodity. Not only do countries enrich themselves through the upheaval of people’s homes and their environment, but now we are running around the world looking for a war. The second golf war is exactly the same situation. The USA was looking for a war… they chose this one. What surprises me, is that it took more than four years for the USA to join in the efforts against the Nazis… and yet… it seems as though the jumped right in after 9/11. Why? Now yes I know, many people died… but a lot less than during the war. What is the difference between the two wars? (If I had to categorize… mmm let me see…) Their incentive, like many countries… is not ideological (even though even that is debatable) it’s financial. The second world wars “problem” is that they couldn’t profite reallyfrom it. Sure they could win a bit of territories… maybe a financial pay out over a few years from Germany, but over all, you don’t have oil in Europe (except in the UK and Norway, but they were on the USA’s side… so not really “takable”).

Gandhi

Maybe I am a giant cynic. I’m no political specialist either. All I am trying to say, is yes to revolution, but now to unnecessary death.

A good friend of mine said to me yesterday (about Osama Bin Laden’s death), that no death is a triumph. I agree. I whole heartedly agree. No death can bring back those who died,or the pain felt.

Anyway, lets get back to my point. We should start a revolution. A social one, and not a war revolution. I would love to be able to say “hey yeah, i met this guy. He was really honest. Told me he liked me. No bullshit”. But alas, this doesn’t happen. Everything nowadays is so… “lost in translation”. No one knows what the other is doing and vice versa.

Argh. I want a “stop the bullshit revolution”! 🙂

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Filed under Asia, Games People Play, Hate!, History, India, Politics, Society

Stop Playing Games and Roll the Dice!


NO! I AM THE WINNER! YOU ARE TOTALLY CHEATING AT MONOPOLY! YOU ONLY TAKE 200€ WHEN YOU PASS GO NOT 500€!!!

Green Light? Or Red Light? When the fuck do I go?

Ok, that’s not exactly what I’m talking about. But it is I must say, along the same vein… I think by now, you, my very few readers have at least gotten to know me a bit better… and you must have at least realised that I am a “no nonsense kinda gal”. Actually, scrap that, I am a girl, no woman and I always want the best, and don’t usually say no for an answer. I am an independent do-it-yourself-or-shut-the-fuck-up kinda girl/woman. I’m the girl who knows usually what she wants, and tries her best to get it. No one would deny that I am not passionate. It is one of the first thing people notice about me (at least when I’m talking about something I am interested in). I’m also realistic. And as sad as it is to admit it, I’m afraid readers… for those who haven’t met me, I’m not Scarlett Johansson… sadly! I’m not an ugly herring either… so don’t start imagining me as some Susan Boyle lookalike. My eyebrows are perfectly plucked, and I take care of myself… I am however not super thin. I know, but for my defence… I spend most of my time in front of my computer… reading… and well I hate most sports (at least the ones you do alone!) 

Ha sorry for the crude joke, but it was too easy. In any case. Let’s get to the point of this post :

Men playing games or shall I say “mind games”. Now don’t get me wrong, most women apparently do this. I don’t. I seriously have no idea how to play these games. I’m the talkative funny girl, not the mysterious blond woman in the corner who sips on vermouth and bats her eyelashes in a mans direction. Nope. when I’m interested, I’m more or likely going to tell you at some point… or get drunk and watch you flirt with other girls until I crawl crying home with a one night stand on my arm (ok not ALL the time, but sometimes a least!). I’m not proud of everything I’ve done… but in my case, I attract guys I am not interested in, I think because I show little interest… but because I am not a bitch, I talk to these guys anyway. Not because I want to dance the naked dance with them under the sheets, but in fact because, well why not talk to somebody? I love talking to people. I talk all the time. To everyone. Problem is… I’m thinking that guys actually want girls who are more “unavailable” to them. 

I’m totally serious. If I think back. All the guys I’ve treated like shit. Ignored. Insulted… have all come back! Seriously… I have even dumped someone DURING sex. Yes. Yes I admit it. (for my defence, he was very very bad, and I was tired and had really had enough of him telling me how awesome he was… the result now, is that he calls me twice a month wanting to go out for a drink. Don’t you think he would have got the message by now? Well apparently not.) Now while that was not my proudest moment it does prove one thing. 

Guys want girls they can’t get. They want a mountain to climb. They want it hard, and the don’t want it fast. 

Apparently.

Now I will also concede that if a guy really really likes you, he “will-make-it-happen”, no matter what. But, what happens to all the other guys who likea girl, but are not really fussed/crazy about her yet/not sure etc.? I mean… not all guys are crazy about a girl in the beginning, I can “totes” get that. But seriously… what I don’t understand… why would a guy talk to you every time you go online… then not speak to you (or reply to the super cute email you send them!) and then ask you out on a date? I’m getting very mixed signals. I’m not sure if he likes me… or likes me not ! How very 17th century I am! (don’t worry I won’t start reciting poetry!) 

He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not… He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not… He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not… He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not…

So… when do we know when a man’s playing a game or when he’s not interested? I think it’s hard to say. I suppose we women should stop over analysing every thing a guy does. Take the plunge, do what feels natural, even if a bit of mystery never hurt anyone! I honestly believe that you should go on dates. Ask a guy out, try new things. But be honest. If after 2 days, you are still not sure, then ask the guy! No one wants to waste their time! So I say, take control… you roll the dice and see what happens! (and maybe listen to that Finley Quay Song “Dice” too!) 

Roll the Dice!

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