Everyone Has a Number… Just Don’t Tell Yours…

1, 2, 3... ?

This title is pretty telling to anyone who has ever had the famous “number conversation”… but to all those who have been lucky to have never been asked this dreaded question… here I am to elucidate the issue.

This problem obviously, like many others on this blog does not cater to the somewhat rare species that is the “virgin”, and I sincerely apologise. I will in the future write something on the subject, but for now you will have to read about sex, drugs and rock’n’roll the old fashion way… by my experience… and popular psychological findings (or at least nearly scientific!). Now… I’m probably a hypocrite, but I will admit… I have never been lucky enough (or unlucky enough by the sound of my coupled up friends) to have been in a “long term relationship” that has lasted for more than… 6 months? Why? Well I suppose moving around, changing schools and universities every so often hasn’t exactly helped… and the fact that I am probably the pickiest person when picking out a “mate” (god doesn’t that sound like I’m an animal? argh horrible)… well when picking out a possible “partner” in any case.

A question that can come in any relationship, be it friendship (oh you nosey girls and guys!) or a “i’ve-you-naked-relationship-on-numerous-occasions” type of thing, is (and this needs to be in a slightly larger font for emphasis I think…) :

“So… like… how many men/women have you slept with before me?”

ARGH HOLY JESUS! Why are you asking? Seriously? Neither of us want to know the answer! I mean, logically… if your partner had slept with less that what you were expecting, we all know you’re thinking “oh wow… he’s really inexperienced/such a loser” or something ridiculous in that vein… and if it’s far more that you expected then you’re thinking “oh god, my boyfriend/girlfriend is a man-whore or just plain whore”. Now… I know we shouldn’t judge… but we all do! Never EVER would I tell anyone my number (unless we were very good friends and I wasn’t planing to bumping uglies with that person). The sort of person who asks that question is usually either overconfident ou lacks confidence, but probably is too curious. Many people have and will continue to ask this question, but none of us truly wants to know. Most men over state the truth, most women will take a few men off their list. Why?

Because even in the 21st century… there is a stigma attached to how many people you’ve slept with! Can you believe it? Even after the sexual revolution… women who are deemed “overzealous” with their bodies are still perceived as “dirty skanks” and men as “virile stallions”. It’s a bit ridiculous, and in a perfect world the number of people you have slept with wouldn’t matter… but in the society we live in… it does! That said, marrying a virgin… is still only fashionable in the USA and the Arab countries… and in Europe is seen as a bit “old fashioned” and even strange. But sleeping with a billion people is seen as just as creepy. Men don’t want whores (and yet the want their women experienced) but neither do they want nuns. Women are the same… and even I will admit it, I don’t want to know the girlfriends of my perspective boyfriend. All I want to know is that he is aids and STD free and I’m good to go! But… even saying that, I don’t want to think of him as a gigantic man-magnet. Neither do I want to be his first… but neither do I want to be his millionth conquest. I suppose, we want to feel special… and yet part of a collection (so not to feel too much like so “outsider”).

So, never ask anyone their number. Don’t ask, because whatever answer you get you will most likely be disappointed! I mean… I can even illustrate this with a rather telling example on my part! Ahem, here goes… we women… well we facebook stalk. Don’t lie. We’ve all done it (and even men are getting in on the act now!). Everyone goes on the guys profile their interested in to check for “red flags”. We all do it… I suppose it’s that “modern day morbid curiosity” that everyone’s talking about (but that’s another subject!). In any case… I’ve done it, and I’ve done it recently too. So, I like… a guy called… well let’s call him “B”… I go on his profile… and I start going back over a few months on his wall… to check… well to see how many girls he’s adding as friends… and interacting with (oh god does this sound weird I know!)… and I see at some point a statut update going around the lines of “_________ should be happy his girlfriend facebook rapes his profile! Lol!”… now this is mundane… but it was liked by five guys… and one girl… so I’m guessing the girl = ex-girlfriend… I obviously go the next step to creepyville and check out her profile. Nothing to see, she seems boring and all her profile photos are of animals (how old is she? No, maybe I’m being vindictive… I “sort of” apologise). I start to realise that I’d have prefered not know… because he seems to have broken up with her recently… so I start to think to myself… “omg… Am I his re-bound girl? Does he even like me? Does he only want me for sex? etc etc”. I have just fallen into the “you’re-totally-insane-psychotic-girl”. And… no one wants to be her.

So my advice? Don’t ask, don’t tell. Use your fifth amendment right! And for those who are not american (as I am not either, but I have seen enough episodes of the Good Wife to be a pro now) here is what you have to say if you want to “plead the fifth” :

“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the landor naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put injeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.”

In other words you can say something along the lines “I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that it may incriminate me”.

So there you go, some wise person said when asked how many people they had sleep with “I’m sorry babe, but you can kiss my ass if you think you’re gunna get a reply to THAT question!”

System Bolaget… or Getalob Metsys (If You’re REALLY Drunk) – Which is Unlikely!

 

Woo Hoo! (not!)

Here’s their site in case what I say next is unbelievable : http://www.systembolaget.se/Applikationer/Knappar/InEnglish/

So what is this “System Bolaget”? Well to put it simply, is Sweden’s answer to pissing on someone’s parade! No really.

I totally understand where they are coming from, and after visiting Helsinki earlier this month, I now realise why! (but i’ll mention that later on). Anyway, System Bolaget is a state owed organisation (or company) who has the monopole on alcoholic beverage sales in Sweden. It only sells alcoholic drinks over 3,5 % degrees (so basically everything if you’d want to get slightly tipsy on). You see, you wouldn’t be that annoyed about that if it was only that… except that it isn’t! System Bolaget also has an annoying rule that only over twenty year olds can buy alcohol, so woo hoo for me, wah wah for anyone under that age (and on an Erasmus!). It also however has an slightly albeit understandable time table too. Weekdays (apart from Friday) most stores are open from 9 to 18 ou even (if you know where to go!) 9 to 19! Wow! And on weekends, if I am right I believe they close between three and five in the afternoon!

So if you go on their site, they will give you a lot of info telling you what an amazing system it is and whatever. Now I don’t really care about that, I mean I can really understand where they are coming from but it does also stop average people coming home from work and wanting to have a glass of wine with their meal to do so. But, after a short visit to Helsinki I do realise why it can be a good idea too.

In Helsinki, I was very shocked at the amount of drunk people outside, and I don’t mean a bit tipsy but really really drunk. Not just young people but a host of middle ages business men, young and not young me and women too. Some of these people were so drunk they could barely walk, and one girl looking like she was dead on the floor! Now don’t get me wrong, I have lived in London for a long time and I can assure you that we Brits sure know how to drink (among other things) but never have I seen with my bare eyes people that drunk and in that quantity. I am not passing judgement on the Finnish, I can remember about two times where I have been ridiculously drunk and I honestly regret that. We all learn from our mistakes.

So, I don’t know how wide spread this is in Scandinavia but if it was very common then I am not surprised that since the nineteenth century has there been the System Bolaget. What people fail to realise is that since Sweden joined the European Union, state decisions (like this alcoholic beverage monopoly) have to be vetted and agreed upon by the Swedish people themselves via referendum… and they do want to keep this organisation! So maybe we other Europeans have something to ask ourselves about. Is this the way to go or not?

If we look at Holland where Cannabis (in certain quantities) is legal, have they become a country of lazy cannabis smoking weirdos? No. They have taken the stance on legality concerning strong substances and it is thus up to the person to decide whether of not he wishes to take them. This is utter freedom. Sweden’s response to alcoholism in another stance on the situation, not banning but total control. Both of them seem to work, so maybe… and this is strange to say, but maybe regarding these issues, being moderate doesn’t work? Or is it all a matter of culture?