Fashion Innit ?!

I realised after 2 years “blogging” (I really hate this term) that I have never EVER written anything about fashion… Now I am no fashion writer, but I suppose in my area (graphic design), if you dress like a weirdo, then you are not booking the client. So, what can I say about fashion?

For me, it is all about quality and a few keys pieces. I will add, that if I was richer, then I would be able to afford tons of clothes, but I am not, so I prefer to cherry pick my favourite brands and pieces. First off, my new obsession… and I mean obsession is “The Orphan Arms”. What I love love LOVE with this brand, is the fact that it is NOT made in China (hurrah!), made by hand and the designs are really what makes Britain! For me, it is not over feminine,  which suits my personality. I don’t wear pink, high heels every day, and I am not a big accessory person either. I like to keep it simple and casual. I usually pair my super cool Orphan Arms sweater, with a nifty little silver necklace, discreet, a pair of skinny jeans (various colours) and a pair of high top sneakers, or ballet flats. With that a lovely duffle coat, old school wooly hat and a scarf my mummy made and voila… here is Roxy’s new look!

For the moment I only have three pieces from them, but bit by bit I shall be adding to the collection!

 

So go shopping!!! NOW!!!

 

THE ORPHAN’S ARMS

www.theorphansarms.com

Sexual Penpals…

Bla bla blaaaa

Just like the fuck-buddy… the sexual penpal is the new “must have” gadget of the 21st century. Don’t lie. Everyone has one… or at least a dirty little secret they won’t 100% admit too.

Let me explain. Is the fuck-buddy is your physical toy… the sexual pen-pal is your imaginary one… or at least one you don’t have regular sex with. He (or she) is… not computer or techno-phobic like some other guys/gals. He/she will reply to texts, e-mails… dirty texts… photos… and if you’re lucky (and he/she doesn’t mind spending money/time/credit on you) the elusive “chat” (this dirty way of communication is good for the popular nineties fad of phone sex… nowadays it’s more skype sex (or msn sex if you still have windows 98).

In any case, the sexual penpal is the person you exchange more or less steady contact with, rare daydreams (because let’s be honest, you’re not too attracted to them) but you keep the relationship alive, because… if you’re honest… you like the attention.

There’s not point lying. We all do it. Everyone has a sort of emotional “tampon”. A guy/girl who we keep around to make us feel good about ourselves. The sexual pen-pal is just the same. Except that you swap dirty provocative texts with the latter, and keep the emotional tampon around for when you want a bucket of ice-cream and a hug. I really like my sexual penpal. I like him because I know I better looking than him. I like him because I know he likes me. I know things about him… so sexual blackmail usually gets me small gifts (don’t worry, don’t call the RSPCA, we are friends… he just… likes me more than I like him…) anyway.

The sexual penpal is a great tool to try weird fantasies and desires out. Sure… you might not really do them to him per say… but if you really want to have “up the butt sex while wearing clown shoes and wearing nothing but bacon” then… it’s a good idea to try that idea on him/her first (this is how I found out he likes anal sex… thus the blackmail…).

What you notice about the sexual penpal is two distinct relationship evolutions : either you continue to talk… and even if neither of you want to admit it (either because the sex was embarrassing when it happened, and/or he has misshaped balls (this happens. Get over it hunny. Could be worse.) you have actually become fond of each other… (more of this in a minute) OR you lose touch because he : a) Is embarrassed, b) Decides not to keep contact because he has got a new girlfriend/realised he could never get you back into his 6m2 apartment for some “rollin’ on his mattress bed (classy… it’s on the floor… but he says he likes it that way” c) Is bored… etc.

In any case, like most things it’s either yes/no, black/white, 50/50, yes/no… etc.

To illustrate point one (becoming fond of each other) I’ll tell you about my “sexual penpal”… No lies, all truth (and in case my daddy’s reading this… It’s all a lie! ^^).

I met him online. Yes did I hear you cringe on the other side of the screen? Yeah, I know… online dating is… I’m afraid for social retards who can’t function in real society… and thus need to use the inter-web to find a date (yeah I’m talking about you, you immature little boy)… Anyway. We met online. I was in a period of my life, when I only needed, and wanted one thing… so we got down to work. He then moved to another city pretty far… which led to me forgetting him and finding someone else… but for some reason, he would text from time to time, so… as a friendly person that I am (I really am) I texted back and forth for a few months… at the beginning, all you talk about is sex… and a bit of “what are you doing at work/school/prison/pirate ship”/ etc.)
I started to noticed more and more  texting… and so I eventually asked him “Are we friends?” He replies by telling me he doesn’t want to date me. Now for some girls, you might shed a tear, urinate yourself… or both. Me… well I’m not really like that. What actually came into my head was “Why the fuck wouldn’t you want to date me, I’m fucking amazing… and then… Babe I definitely don’t want to date you… or be seen in public with you…” So… I re-explain that for a guy who still insists I’m just his “ex-fuckbuddy”… then why the frick his he still contacting me? Seriously. If you don’t like me… Do what I do… I delete everything about you… literally. For me it’s all or nothing. In any case… he said we could never be friends because we had had sex (no I’m no prude… and I’m no whore… but I don’t see why I can’t be friends with my exes and/or guys I’ve had sex with. Seeing someone naked doesn’t mean “no, no we can’t ever been friends, you’ve seen my pee-pee”. What generation is the write one to be in? (I will just add that this guy is about 10 years older than me…). Anyway… to continue… he continues to text/call/email/facebook the lot. I even got some sexy photos and a skype show (but let’s keep some details personal shall we!?) So… one night, he calls me, we chat… and Roxy loses it. People who know me, know not to piss me off. I go from 0 to 220km/h in 2 seconds flat. To cut a long story short. I get him to admit that for someone who doesn’t “give that much of a crap about me”, he does sure contact me a lot… and I had to say was “Grow the fuck up you baby” and “Actions speak louder than words” and I go the answer I wanted :

– Ok, You’re right. I suppose we are friends… like like to occasionally bump uglies.

That’s all I wanted. Honesty.

Now. Back to sexual penpals. In my opinion, they are great ways of of experimenting and well when you’re bored on a 3 hours train/bus/car ride like I usually am… it’s a good way to pass the time. And it’s cheap sex. No condoms or buying drinks/dinner for anyone. I think it sounds like the perfect relationship. Problem is. Sometimes they get jealous… which I never understand.

Fuck Buddies & the Art of Seduction

So...?

I wasn’t exactly sure how to start this post but I suppose that I’ll start from a more general view to a more precise one. It may seem like a rather selfish or at least narcissistic post BUT we have to inspire ourselves from somewhere, and my life seems to be pretty eclectic. So I’m starting from there.

I’m single, and while I may be perceive as “alone”, I am in fact not. Millions… no tens and thousands of millions of the world’s population is single. So if I were to be pedantic, being single isn’t such a lonely place to be right now! Now, with all that optimism out of the way, let’s go full steam ahead to the sad and rather depressing truth (unless it’s not and then I apologise).

Sex. Sex. Sex. Makes the world  go round. Yep. It’s true. Sex is literally everywhere. It’s in your magazines, tv’s and in the street. Sex is used to sell absolutely anything. As they say in the business, “Sex sells”. Now, I’m no angel, for the people who know me, sex is something I talk about, know about… and shock horror… have done! I think we have all surpassed the age where sex is this “big deal”… and yet it still occupies our every thought (apparently). Now I can understand that those having regular sex don’t miss it… and I can obviously relate to those not having it and wishing they were… but I have a nagging question.

Is anonymous sex that great? Really?

As a test, I signed myself up on an online dating site. Now, I am not a journalist (yet?!) but I believe that through all good journalism, you have to put your money where your mouth is. So I have (and a lot of online time too I might add!). I put up a recent photo… described myself accurately (to the best of my ability of course) and waited. Now, I wasn’t looking for a date/hook-up/boyfriend etc. So I thought it was only fair to wait for the guys to come to me. Like a horse to water so to speak. And, come they did! I can say for someone who doesn’t have great self appreciation, that it was an incredible pick me up! I received in the space of a month about… 117 emails… all asking for me! BUT, may I add a few interesting issues came up as well.

While many were very respectful, with mails which to summarize said “Hello my name is _________ .  I think you are ___________ . Would you like to swap emails and talk?/Would you like to talk something? etc” Many were also very much different. I did get one email saying that I was “not attractive”… but I’m going to say that he was absolutely hideous… and 45 years old (so I think he should know better than insult a 22 year old girl! It seems sad to be honest). In any case, as well as the nice and pleasant I was surprised to get a fair few emails from let’s say an “older generation” of men, and ladies and gentlemen… I am not talking about the 35 year old guy who’s still single and a bit bored on a friday night… I am in fact talking about over 45 year old (mostly really unattractive) men. I’m not saying middle-aged men are unattractive… don’t get me wrong! I do like the older man from time to time (cf : apple guy (those of view who know me well may know what I’m talking about)) but these guys were… total sleaze balls. Today I got from a long haired, ugly 45 year old man with 2 children an email saying the following (I have edited) :

“I am looking for a not too ugly girl for the evening and more if I like you. Interested? Kisses. ______ .”

Seriously? This is insane! It’s basically prostitution, and what baffles me… is that he thinks I could actually be interested. I may not be any sex bomb à la Marilyn Monroe… but I definitely am NOT some anorexic spotty crack whore! Argh I shudder at the thought of this man caressing anything but his own arm! Argh! And this guy is not alone! If I look back at the messaged I have received… I noticed that many… and many ask for what can only be fuck buddies. For those of you not familiar with this “modern” term… I have enlisted the help of the internet based dictionary fashionable with many the young pubescent teen… “Urban Dictionary”. Here is what they have to say on the subject :

 

Urban Dictionary

I have only given the first two definitions, but I think they suffice.

Now, for those who know me, like I have said previously… I’m not a foreigner to the concept. We have all done it at least once in our lives, but the point I am trying to make… is why is it literally everywhere now? There seems to be more people looking for fuck buddies now that actual meaningful relationships. I’m not a giant romantic. I am not a fan of soppy poetry and being serenaded. Trust me. But come on, who doesn’t want a hug and a kiss when you get back from work? Who doesn’t want to know that they are cared and loved? I mean sure… carnal pleasure is good… no scrap that… sex is great. But, without being corny… sex really is better when you “love/care/enjoy being with” that person. I wish there was less sex and more… sex and love going on.

Anyway, “the art of seduction”. Where has is gone anyway? I mean… seriously… let’s say I was hypothetically looking for an easy fuck… do you think emailing me (or coming up to me in a bar) an telling me something around the lines of “Hey babe, I like yo ass, I like yo body… so you wanna dance horizontally”, is going to get you in my pants?

I’m not suggesting in anyway that being romantic and lying is better… I just think there’s a better way IF that is what you want. I mean, no one meets the love of their life in a bar wearing a low cut top and 6 inch heels… but you don’t either by saying lines like that! All I am looking forward to, is when people asked you out on dates. People are so starved for a smidgen of romance that nowadays telling a woman her “ass is out of this world” is going to work! How depressing is that? I want a guy to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful, that I’m a bright young woman and that yes, he would like to bump uglies in the future with me… but that he would like to take me out for coffee/dinner/a movie first.  Am I asking for a lot?

No? I didn’t think so. We are worth so much more. Maybe we have lowered our standards… or maybe I’m just too old school…

Getting Your Hair Cut in Sweden…

Time Flies When You're...

 

= A Time Consuming Event!

This is how it all went down. For a joke, I entered the university competition to win… you guessed it, a free haircut! Woo for me! And.. of course, I won! Kodak moment right there right? Ha yes well alright then! My initial fears however were more concerned with how much hair I was going to part with. Now, don’t get my wrong, I like ROBYN’s music… it’s cool, it’s quirky and I can still sing along to the lyrics without sounding too shrill! BUT, and this is a pretty big “but” (note, the capital letters), she has very short, white blond hair… and on one side it’s shaved. I’ll agree it suites her “crazy Swedish” style thing she has going on, but… through the years, I’ve become quite attached to my hair and i really plan on having some left before I go back to France in January.

Anyhow. We had to meet up in front of the “Nobelhuset” building at 13:30. I was there. We were three winners and we were accompanied there by two on the organisers of the Student Union. Now, let’s say we arrived at… 14:15 right? When do you think we would have initially have finished? Now, we are all getting our hair cut at the same time… maybe… 15:30? Ok, maybe 16:00 max… I mean, that’s still about an hour and three quarters…

Well you would be wrong. By the time we left, it was… about 17:20! Now, that is a long time for a haircut! I swear to god, my backside was numb by the time we had finished! We were all pretty damn hungry by the end of that escapade (and I have to admit, I nearly feel asleep a couple of times I was so tired!) that we were all invited to Mcdonald’s for a greasy snack! I have to admit that I thought that gesture was very kind and I highly appreciated it! (Even though I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that my digestive system didn’t quite enjoy the Happy Meal I had consumed as much as my taste-buds did!).

However, I am sure you are wondering why it took such a long time. Well, it was it was a hairdressing school… so for my part, every ten minutes she would stop to ask her teacher if what she was doing was ok… which… was annoying! But I’ll admit I’d prefer she did that instead of  cut-cut-cutting away and me finding out I have been given a bowel cut of something as just as heinous. What I thought was slightly irritating was the fact that I couldn’t brush off the idea that I was wasting my time. I mean, in the time it took me to get my hair washed, cut, dyed and styled… I had just walked away with solely a hair cut.

But it was a good cut, and I’m very pleased I had it done. Of course that fact that it was free made it all better! I suppose in conclusion that if you want your hair cut in Sweden you should be prepared to spend the afternoon… and sacrifice feeling anything in your ass for a good half hour afterwards!

 

It's Hair-Cut Time!

 

Souvenir Shops & Clichés…

Yeah... right!?

Anyone been to a souvenir shop lately? Notice anything strange? The insane amount of crap sound is undoubtably a common part, but apart from the inane amount of boring and repetitive postcards, what else can you see?

CLICHÉS

Seriously you do though. Now, at the moment I’m in Stockholm, so i’ll concentrate on the souvenir shops here. Well, I was surprised, although when I think about it, I shouldn’t be, by the amount of Viking memorabilia, but also (for some reason) elves and hairy goblins Why? I don’t get it. That said, I can’t say I know everything about Sweden and it’s history, so maybe they do have a very… mythical and legendary past? I mean sure, I’m not an ignoramus, I have heard of the legends of Thor etc. But… I don’t really see where the elves and goblins come in. Anyway, the shops I have been to have rows and rows of miniature hairy vikings (which is a GIANT cliché in itself) and goblins with hats and shit.

But you see, people buy this crap… so I’m not surprised they still sell this stuff. The souvenir shop sells clichés. That’s the point. I mean objectively when I come and visit a country, I don’t to bring back some random object. I want what I would call a “typical Swedish ________”. So I suppose we can’t be too angry with souvenir shops (why someone would want to buy a plate with the Swedish Royal family is unclear to me, but hey… maybe I’m the one with bad taste?!) but we can, well I am at least at a loss why souvenir shops have started… to… sell… random… crap.

I mean, let’s be honest… if I’ve made the trip to say… mmm Sweden… tell me, why should I go buy a Tupperware box? Or mmm let’s see a postcard with the tour eiffel on it? Or a poster with the Coca-Cola logo on it? I personally don’t get it. Tupperware can be bought practically, if not everywhere in the world, a post card of the Tour Eiffel? Why? Who would go to Stockholm and send a post card with the Eiffel Tower on it? And… mmm I’m in Stockholm, not Atlanta (Georgia, USA)… so what’s with the Coca-Cola merchandise? You don’t get it either? Yeah, neither do I.

I can’t help going to souvenir shops and looking at the shit they sell, I mean come on… who doesn’t want to try a fake Viking helmet on and have a pretend sword fight? I sure do. But to go as far as buying one of those lame hats… maybe not.

Now I’m not Swedish, so I don’t know how they feel about the souvenir shops in their country, but being an Anglo-French person… I HATE going to souvenir shops in… say London and looking at the crap foreigners buy. I’m always biting my tongue not to say anything, but I secretly want to smack the crap out of their faces and say “Hello, why are you buying a Swiss Army Knife with the Queens face on it? Why the hell are you buying a postcard of a naked woman with a Union-Jack bathing suit on? Why are you purchasing a “crazy” jokers hat with bells on?”. You’re in London, one of the most amazing cities in the world. The British may not be famed for their food, nor their fashion sense (say some) but in Britain, we have some of the best beers in the world. We have a royal (yet a tad eccentric) royal family. We have  beautiful architecture and there is so much to see. Our museums are world renowned, and yet… you think that a bikini-clad woman with a bull dog depicts more than a thousand year culture? Thanks! No really thanks!

I’m not going to stigmatise and say it’s the Americans, or the Russians that do this, because it isn’t. It’s every Tom, Dick and Harry that buy this crap. But I say no! In the name of all that is holy, and all that is sacred to what we like to culture, buy something that represents the country you are visiting, even if it is a cliché, because at least a cliché has an element of truth to it.

Stockholm... as it should be!

Sweden’s Obsession With Leggings…

Leggy-Leggy-Leggings!

THIS fashion I really don’t get.

Honestly, leggings? Really? You have nothing else to wear than leggings? Look, I’ll be honest, I wore leggings for the 80’s and a good part of the 90’s as well… But… for my defence I was a child and not exactly the one choosing my clothes… if I have been I would definitely NOT have worn them. You see that’s why I don’t really understand why people would choose to wear them, and the thing is, Swedish people don’t just wear the boring black or marine blue ones… oh no that would be too… boring! They love wearing ones with cuts in the side, bits cut out, crazy patterns and colours… you name it, they have it in legging form.

Arghhhhhhh I mean they dress well I will admit that… but they still wear leggings. I think it should be outlawed. I can however seek solace in the fact that I know in the near future (REAL Swedish winter time) they will no longer be able to wear them (at least I hope anyway).

The thing is, some Swedes are very skinny, I mean sure most Swedes are thin, blond and sexy TRUE, but some are really skinny… like anorexic. These girls wear these leggings… and I can promise you, it ain’t pretty! I swear to you, it is sometimes truly horrifying!

Leggings accentuate your legs… obviously, in a way that either make you look better (which in leggings in my opinion is impossible) or makes you look worse… and there are various degrees of worse! Anorexic girls… like obese girls, do not look good in leggings… or at least, look ten times worse than average girls wearing them.

Anyway, on a less depressing note, I’m sure the “legging wearing Swedes” are greatly appreciated by the male populace… because wearing leggings means undoubtably wearing something very short over (or nothing at all!)… so viva the legging and viva mini skirts! (for all you men out there!)